Thursday, July 24, 2008

A Magnetic Personality?

Welcome to new readers from Blogher! Glad you are here! I decided to post a favorite post from days gone by for your entertainment.
and my husband's chagrin
He is headed to Germany on a business trip next month. Shall we take bets on what he brings back?

A couple of weeks ago this exchange took place:

Jon: Honey, I have the opportunity to go to France for a convention.

Me: Oh, really? (meaning, woohoo, when do we go??)

Jon: it's completely last minute, and I have to get a passport. It will be boring, computer geeks all day

Me: Oh, really? (meaning woohoo, when do we go??)

Jon: yeah, what do you think? Do you think we can afford to pay for you to come along? What about someone to watch the kids?

Me: Probably not. I am very jealous, you know. I would really like to go. (meaning, I would really like to go!)

Jon: Yeah, next time.

Me: Well, at least bring me back something.

(then I went in the bedroom and cried and moped around a couple of days)


So, I killed him drove him to the airport, and I was stuck parenting 3 kids alone for a week. And still managed to stay mostly sane. It was no small feat. (or maybe it was the small feet...the pitter patter of them!) I will spare you the trials of that week...there isn't enough Xanax. Suffice it to say, he owed me. Big. Like, bring me back some bling from France big. Got it?

So I pick him up at the airport, and if you have ever been to LAX, you know what a zoo that place can be. I hadn't been there by myself before. What can I say? I live a very non-jet setting life. After circling the place twice, and pulling into the wrong parking garage and ending up going out the exit we arrived to pick him up. It is after 3 p.m. I have three children in tow who are tired, and ready to see their father. But no! We have to wait for the plane to deboard, he has to clear customs...did I mention I had three very antsy children with me? An hour later, he finally materializes and we head to the car. Once there, he gives the kids their souvenirs. Little beanie baby teddy bears that say the name of the city he was in: Lyon. How cute! Teddy bears for the kids. As I shiver excitedly, thinking of what he brought me. Jewelry? Candy? Something racy? ooh lala? Uh, no.

Ladies and gentlemen, it would appear the romance is over. THIS is what my beloved partner of 18 years brought me back, all the way from Europe. (not the frog, that is my cool magnet from the San Diego Zoo)

That's right. A kitchen magnet. I suppose I should have spelled it out to him. I mean, I have been married to him for so long, I should have remembered that when I say "Something" he hears, "something." In his defense, he was at his conferences all day, and the shops close early in France. And then on Saturday, there was a rail strike, so he couldn't get anywhere. And he is a computer coder, in any case. WYSIWIG- what you see is what you get. I know how literal he can be. And he is a great guy, but face it, he lacks imagination. He goes all the way to Europe and stays at the Holiday Inn.

And it had a really nice view of the slums behind the hotel, too. And did I mention it was 29 degrees and cold while he was there?

But. Big but. He went to France! And brought me back a kitchen magnet! This is the part where I throw a fit, and it might get ugly. Ah, forget it, I'll spare you that. You came for fun and games, not a huge downer.

Still, the magnet, it has a decent stick to it. You know how some magnets slip down the fridge whenever you put anything underneath them? This one stays. So, there's that. And it is cosmpolitan, sitting there next to the pizza delivery magnets and the kids' magnets and the "Carpet Cleaning, One Room $25" magnet that came in the mail. It makes me seem mysterious and interesting.

I'm keeping it. I want something to remind me on our 50th Wedding Anniversary of that Time He Went To France. It will make a good story. Either that, or it will be Exhibit A in the divorce hearing.

T, who must have a magnetic personality

So, what's the worst gift or souvenir that you ever got?

edited to add, I really do love the guy, honest

edit me rest of story

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11 sent chocolate:

lauralovesart said...

oh no he d'nt! that is hilarious though...men!

Lara said...

dood, i JUST asked about people's best souvenirs over at my blog! how funny!

hmmm, worst gift ever? my friends were all getting cash gifts as rewards for getting good grades in elementary and middle school. so my dad got me and my sister a present for getting straight A's too. he got us a dictionary. A DICTIONARY. woo. great.

Shannan P said...

At least he brought you something. Knowing mine, I'd have gotten a Hershey bar or something ridiculous. In three years of being married, I have never once gotten anything for any anniversary, birthday or other occasion besides Christmas. Flowers, maybe, but actual gifts...HAH!

M, J, B, G, Sam & Sadie said...

Okay...I have a good one for you. First of all, just let me say...that was a FUN post! Loved reading it! Okay, secondly, let me set the "stage" for you. I have never been on a plane. I have never been anywhere cool. My whole life, the only trips my family took was to visit family (usually old, boring people). So...5 years ago while I was 8 months pregnant with our 2nd child, my husbnad finds out he has to go to Florida to help with the hurricane's (Katrina). He also finds out that he will be staying IN Disney World because all of the other hotels were already full. He goes. He stays for 2 weeks. Every evening when I talk to him he is at some fabulous, loud, exciting restruarant eating and drinking and having a grand ole' time while I am at home with our 3 year old and swollen ankles. I also tell him he better bring us back "Something" and when he finally gets home, I can't wait to see what it might be. Well, he brought Brooklyn, our daughter, a mickey mouse t-shirt. It was ugly..but at least it was a t-shirt. You wanna know what I got? I got a FRIGGIN package of red licorice from the gas station on his way home!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought it must be a JOKE! I cried and cried. and to make matters worse, a year later, he admitted to me that he had come within inches of having an affair on that trip. Inches---literally. I've never been so devastated in my life...and never hate red licorice more! ha ha
Now...5 years later...things are wonderful again and he has DEFINITELY learned his lesson...but I just had to share that (whole) story with you because I FEEL your PAIN with the magnet! ha ha

TLC said...

Shannan: this time, I am INSISTING he get me something good.

Oh you poor thing! I would have killed him. And the best thing he could have done was keep that almost-oops to himself.

mjb..:On top of the magnet, if J had done that, he could have taken his magnet to another fridge, if you get my drift. Glad things are better now, though!

That is a sort of funny story... up until the almost-oops.

T.

Ken Armstrong said...

The shops don't close early in France.

He told you that?

'Joking, I'm joking, they do close early, they hardly ever open at all.

Very funny post, really enjoyed.

Nikki said...

I don't know that I have ever gotten a bad souvenir. I did go visit hubs once before we were married and he lived in Florida - he gave me a stuffed dog and I brought it with me (hey, I was only 18 or was it 19?) Either way said stuffed dog came along crammed into my pillow case. When it was time to leave I boarded the plane and was looking out the window to see him holding my stuffed dog. Bugger snatched it out of my pillow case when I wasn't looking! I knew he wasn't the one for me and I married him anyway. That should have been my first clue as our first anniversary rolled around I got a vacuum. Yup. I am crazy enough to stay married to him.

TLC said...

Ken: That was Baaad! getting my husband in trouble.

Nikki: I have a vacuum that I dearly love...a Miele, canister vac. He even has a name: Percy. So I am not sure I would hate the idea of a vacuum for a present. But it would have to go along with dinner and mind-blowing recreational activities. Many times, if you get my drift. ;oD

Gayle said...

I know I have gotten disappointed before, but for the life of me I can't remember. Guess it isn't as important now as it was then! I'd have killed over a magnet. I have been to France. Definitely could have gotten some much cooler in the airport! Do not let him get away with that again. :)

SUEB0B said...

Has he never seen the NAME OF YOUR BLOG?? Duh.

The worst souvenir I ever got was from my evil boss - a scorpion encased in lucite with a blue base that said "Sedona" on it. First - don't like scorpions. Don't like crap on my desk. And I am a vegetarian who doesn't believe in killing things for amusement...sigh.

Kalisha said...

OMG! That was funny--you are right though, you should've been more specific :-)
I think one of the weirdest gifts I ever got was from a college boyfriend of mine. He went to Minnesota for a wedding and brought me bake multi-colored moose socks!
When he said he had bought me a present I was so excited and then I get moose socks! lol
Kalisha
http://mommylounge.wordpress.com

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