Sunday, September 27, 2009

I am tired of banging my head against your Wall. I think I'll just sit here outside until you let me in.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

can you check this out for me?

I don't normally do this, but I am linking to the article on new autism rates I wrote at simply because I am still reeling at what I found out. I am having a hard time believing it but the CDC appears to be trying to bury new numbers as to the rates of autism in the US. The rate is now 1 in 100, or 1% of all kids in the United States will be diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. WHY isn't this all over the news? Your guess is as good as mine. Read the article. What do you think?

T, who is NOT a Conspiracy Theorist, but is searching for an explanation

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Friday, September 25, 2009

My Top 20 reasons for homeschooling ( because there were way more than 10)

Since school just started for us I thought it would be fun to list some reasons why I homeschool.(contrary to popular thought, it wasn't just because I could stay home all day and drink martinis while not waiting in the public school carpool line). Necessity lead me to homeschooling, it's true. When you have a child with high-functioning autism, he can fall through the cracks. My son was not a good fit for the existing special education classes but couldn't function in mainstreaming, even with a full-time aide. So I decided to bring him home that first year. He was already behind in Math and Reading and was in the first grade. I figured I could do as well as the school did, and better if we were lucky. It worked so well the next year I brought my oldest daughter home to study. And at that point, I knew I would homeschool my littlest one as well.

So necessity began my homeschool career, but that's not what kept me going. "Why do you homeschool" I am asked. Here are some of my reasons.

1. You can sleep in if you stay up too late the night before. (just don't do it too often!)

2. Creative Teaching! If at first you don't get it, there's always another way.

3. Kids can run around when they need to

4. Don't have to ask permission to go to the bathroom

5. Nature Walks!

6. Long, meandering side trips into History

7. P.E. is playing outside (no calisthenics, which my daughter hates)

8. No Detention

9. Your teacher loves you, always

10.Field Trips pretty much whenever we want

11.Don't like the book? Find another one!

12. School in the middle of Mommy's bed (or under a tree outside, or on the couch)

13. Pajama Days!

14. Lunch is edible.

15. Chewing gum helps with concentration, and it's not against the rules!

16. Intelligent discussions!

17. Kids who WANT to study what they are studying.

18. No bullying

19. Little to no peer pressure

20. More time for the things that really count like art and music.

T, who figured why let schooling interfere with their education

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Saturday, September 19, 2009

This is why I didn't post today

You'll all come to my funeral, right? I might need that...

T, who slept all day and still feels crummy

Friday, September 18, 2009

Please don't let her become a stand-up comedienne (that's my job!)

In this house, humor is not optional, it's a survival technique. You don't get very far unless you can learn to laugh at yourself and your circumstances. Life = humor. I cannot imagine not being able to giggle or snicker or guffaw and at times even belly laugh at the crazy things that happen in this family. Of the things I want to give to my children, an appreciation for humor (if not an outright sense of it) is very near the top of the list.

They say that kids with autism don't have much of a sense of humor. I think those that say it don't quite understand autism all that well. My daughter, the oldest one, is pretty funny. (not as funny as me, but give her some time and experience) My son isn't hilarious, but he understands jokes. Sometime around his 8th birthday, he started understanding sarcasm (which means he can actually live in this house, because…yeah.) and started making puns. (again, a staple in this family). It was a lot of fun to watch.

I had forgotten all of that until last night, when JBean cracked her first joke. She gets jokes, but hasn't really told her own. Tonight, she was lying next to the cat and she said, "Watch the cat's new trick. Then, to the cat: Play dead!" The cat, who was lounging in a way that only cats can, sans bones and macramaed into the carpet, didn't move. JBean giggled and said, "Isn't that the funniest thing, ever?" Which tells me two things:

1) she is maturing and beginning to get sophisticated humor

2) Her Jane Austenesque speech patterns can be blamed on an older sister who is obsessed with Jane Austen and has dragged her younger sister along for the ride.

3) Life is about to get very interesting, with lots of "How many _____ does it take to change a lightbulb?" and knock-knock jokes. I suppose fart jokes and belching the alphabet can't be far behind.

I'm SO proud.

T, who says a funny thing happened while writing this blog post

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Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Just what the d'Artagnan is going on here??

Lately I have been noticing all sorts of signs of Armageddon.

There was this one (NSFW and not safe for me to post for PG-13 sensibilities, you have been warned..JBug, this means you!)


the Lllama photo

(Apple, we need to talk) By the way, do not confuse said photo with the Llama Song...also a sign of Armageddon.

Now, Barbie, in a continued effort to dumb the hell down our us...

No, I am not kidding, I wish I were. While, on one level I am glad that Mattel has tried to embrace some strong role models for our girls, on the other hand... The Three Musketeers? Really, Mattel? Really? Because, why? We tire of princesses? Come on, there has be a better movie to exploit in your quest for cash. How about Cleopatra? Katerina from Taming of the Shrew? I mean, Bill doesn't get near enough respect from our young people these days.

And honestly, what's next? Lady Chatterley's Lover? East of Eden? Want something more modern? How about The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty? What? It has a princess in it!

Glad I could help. Just let me know if you need more suggestions. I have a million of them. Of course, you realize we aren't going to buy any of this crap, right? My kids will stick with the original classic and not the bastardized princessized give-us-all-your-money versions directed at little girls who don't know any better.

Blame the homeschoolers. We resist your attempt to pander to the lowest common denominator. See ya, we're heading to the library now.

T, who is dumb-founded but not dumbed-down

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Monday, September 07, 2009

Is Your Mama a Llama? Ask iPhoto

Image representing Apple as depicted in CrunchBaseImage via CrunchBase

Dear Apple,

While you know I love you and love being in the middle of this torrid affair, I have a bone to pick with you. My husband, JNerd spent the day on Saturday setting me up on the latest Apple OS, Snow Leopard. Even the name is freakin' cool, I know, right? Compared to "Vista" I mean, come on? Which is sexier? Sleeker? Yeah, that's what I thought, too. It makes me a little bit hot. But. I am still miffed at you.

I have been waiting for some of the new features of Snow Leopard. It comes with updated versions of iLife, which is everything I use on a daily basis for my computer. Especially iPhoto. I love flickr and facebook integrated in my iPhoto, makes things easier. I especially was looking forward to the face recognition technology. The idea of not having to tag all of my photos was a pretty cool prospect. I know, it has a learning curve, and it has to learn my photos, but, I think it has a bit to go. It consistently missed my youngest daughter's face. But that's trainable, ok. But when it comes to my son? You have it ALL wrong. I present the following examples.

Here is a picture of JBear, with a llama.

Here is another picture of JBear, with a llama.

THIS is not, in fact a picture of JBear:

The name has been changed to protect the innocent, but you did, indeed, i.d. him as a llama. While it is true the child likes llamas, more than most people, he is in fact, a human being. His mama is NOT, nor has she ever been, a llama. It's like comparing streetcars to bicycles. Please make a note of it.

T, who still loves you

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Thursday, September 03, 2009

Just In Time For School To Start, a Quiz

So, tell me, how is it that I head to a blogging convention, come home and don't blog? {Pick one}

  • A. I was completely intimidated by the talent at BlogHer
  • B. I am too busy with preparations for school
  • C. I am frustrated at the lack of notice from P.R. and advertisers
  • D. I am preoccupied with molesting my husband
  • E. I just needed a break and was too lazy to line up guest posters
  • F. I have discovered tumblr which is addictive and fun and much, much faster than standard blogging
  • G. I had a massive case of Writer's Block and literally could write NOTHING
  • H. All of the above

Ok, yes, the correct answer is H. Hey, don't judge me. And I am back now, bitches.So you'd better just quit your tittering about where the hell I've been. You asked for it, more snark, less lazy. So, you get it. I am all about giving my readers what they want. But no, you can't have that only JNerd gets that. And you can't have a damn pony either, so suck it up. I will provide your daily RDA of humor and snark *, however. Get used to it.

*not for the diagnosis or treatment of any disease, claims not proven clinically, void in some foreign countries, objects in mirror are closer than they appear, not for small children, cap not childproof, forks concentrated in electrical sockets can be hazardous to your health, shaking blogger's cage punishable by fine, tow away zone, ply with martinis, if you must much wine whine do it elsewhere, not for indoor use, do not iron clothes on body. DO NOT remove tag under penalty of law, Offer subject to change at whim

T, who will hopefully be able to write again

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