Thursday, April 16, 2009

Witty Title Not Forthcoming, Since I Was Stuck in Traffic and My Brain Turned To Mush

Asperger's, HFA, quirkiness, crazy-making behavior..whatever you want to call it...My son, the fruit of my loins, and paper in my birdcage, is not known for his patience. He wants everything now, now, now! This could be part of his Asperger's, or it could be that I am a crappy mom and have never taught him to delay gratification. I am going with the first one. I mean, I can delay my gratification all of.. let's see... I have not did just eat a molten chocolate lava cake while writing without sharing.. yeah, ok, I am a crappy mom. What' ya gonna do? Sue me?

Today I had to take my daughters to their aunt's house, about 25 minutes away. In rush hour traffic. Which, as anyone who lives in Orange County and drives camps cusses in traffic knows, is really get stuck at every freakin' red light, then crawl for 15 feet at a time traffic. The only rush is to stand still. My son does not endure inactivity well. He gets bored. And, when he is bored, he has to let everyone around him know it. So, let me set the scene:

I am driving, JBug is riding up front, JBean is behind me and JBear is behind her. Complaining. A lot. About the stupid traffic. Ad nauseum. And I stop for another red light, probably the 457,823rd red light on the route. And from behind me comes:

"Red light, you'd better move it.
"I mean it, I have a bazooka."

(and just where did you get that, young man??)

At this point, I am snickering, because, well, I just am. But I am trying not to call attention to it, so he will hopefully continue.

The light stays stubbornly red.

"I have a bazooka and a hand grenade. Those can do much more damage than you'd think."

I am now biting my lip to keep from laughing out loud....

The light still doesn't turn green.

"If you pulled the pin on a hand grenade and covered yourself, you'd still die, it's not like the movies."

At that point, the light got the message and turned green. Lucky for the light, because I would hate to see what would happen when JBear pulled the bazooka out.

(and maybe I would want to borrow it...)

He is the master of the non-sequitur, this kid. He keeps me in stitches. (when I don't want to kill him...)

So the other day we were driving (shuddap, yeah, I know, driving...big surprise huh? Why in the hell they call it "homeschooling" I have no idea...I am always, always in the car) ..We were driving and my daughter commented on the new building for Karl Karcher Enterprises. AKA Carl's Jr/Hardee's... makers of those absolutely porny commercials for their food, which I won't link...want to see, google them. Now, not only am I not observant, I didn't know they were building. I am the one who drives by a gas station and JBear will comment, "Oh they painted the bench red at the gas station. It used to be green." And I will think..."there's a gas station here??" And yeah, I have passed it twice a day for 7 years. So?

In any case, we are talking about this building, not important, just chatting, when from behind me (it's always behind me) I hear:

"If they cloned Yoda and made him evil, the Jedi wouldn't stand a chance."
Me: ::Doubletake:::

WHAT? Where did that come from? Yes, that's right, The Master of the Non-Sequitur (or as I like to call it, the "WTH Moment")... strikes again.

I am absolutely never bored with my on-board entertainment

T, who carries a pad of paper in her purse in order to write this crap down

awesome Far Side reenactment photo from The Rocketeer, used under creative commons

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

1 sent chocolate:

JayHMT said...

Here's a couple from Colter and I.

ME: You're cute. I think I'll keep you. Colter: Well, you can't donate me. (we were gathering toys/clothes for donation)

ME: sorry bud, we're out of tater tots (my idea) Colter: that's ok. I wanted broccoli. ME: I'm sorry, and *you* are?

Related Posts with Thumbnails
Clicky Web Analytics