Dear T: Your blog has sucked lately. No really, it is lagging. You are sometimes a bit funny. Maybe. What gives? Do you hate us?
Signed, ticked off
NO. I don't hate you. But maybe your expectations are too high. I can't handle it. I am caving to the pressure. You are going to find me sitting in the corner typing "AOL ate my gmail" over and over again on the screen. (I was going to write that it was better than writing "g-string" but realized at least that would be mildly amusing) Seriously.
But if you had my life you would get why I am throwing up lame videos. I homeschool (have I mentioned that before?) and school has started again. (did I mention that I homeschool?) Also, my oldest daughter has started classes, which means I am playing ferry four times a week. (and did you know that I homeschool?) Not to mention band and ballet and small group... so I just have been so tired, getting used to my schedule. Ok, so I am not Fussypants...who runs a blogdiva empire and homeschools and vacuums blissfully in all her Domestic Glory.... we know this, right?
Also, I am such a fierce (with apologies to Christian from PR) perfectionist that I am really never happy when I hit publish. I get a sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach that it just ain't good enough.
Dear T.: Boo Hoo, cry us a river. We pay you good money to write good content! Oh, wait, no we don't...ahem. In any case, We are tired of the excuses. Yes, we know you claim not to be good at the domestic thing, though we suspect that you are lying and your house is actually spotless, your children are beauteous and obedient and you just don't want to make us feel badly. Further, we believe you actually dress like an Italian film star, which is why you seldom post pictures of yourself on your blog. (you could have totally won the Hottest Blogger Contest, had you entered, right?) You just wanted to give others a chance, since that's the kind of warm-hearted blogdiva you are.
Signed Full of Hope
Uh, yeah, sure. That's it. I haven't been writing quality material because I have been lunching with important people who are more importanter than you. I actually don't spend all day with my children, I have a live in nanny/housekeeper who takes the little darlings to French Class and dance lessons while I hobnob with the Real Housewives of the OC.
Yes, you have found me out. My life is infinitely more glamourous than yours. Because I am such a successful blogger, Sephora drops makeup at my door by the truckload. But I am not here to receive it, since I am at the theatre, box seats, complimentary, of course. And did I mention that my new car is in the driveway? Paid for by Google Ads page views?
Tomorrow, I will be interviewed by Katie Couric, because she wants to know how I stay so absolutely fabulous. without alcohol, mind you!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get my well-toned derriere off this expensive couch, lift my lacquered nails and deign to remove the refuse from my kitchen since the can is full. And once I am done with that, I will start my thousand dollar dishwasher (no, really, actually that's true....it's a splurge but I LOVE it...) so that it can lovingly and quietly caress my dishes while I sleep.
And then? I will get up and start the whole mess all over again. And I still won't have a decent blog post when (if?) you show up.
T, who isn't feeling very "on" lately and hates it..hope you can forgive mephoto of Christian: People.com photo of children: Magnum Photo blog