Freakin'(Out) Friday #1
I've decided to lock my children in the closet. No, not for the reason you think.. they have been well-behaved lately for the most part. And they are fun to hang out with; they often make me laugh. They help out around the house, with a minimum of argument. In fact, there really isn't much wrong with them at the moment. give them time...
So, then, what's the reason that I am going to lock them in the closet?
It's simple. I can't afford to feed them. Now, you may say, spend the money you spend on your internet so your kids can eat! I say, Let's not get hasty I guess they are growing, because they constantly want to om nom nom nom. I mean, I feed them in the morning, it's enough for the cats, so what gives??
And of course, I can't just fill them up on junk. I spent $220 at the grocery store tonight. I almost fell over. True, we were out of a lot of items. I stocked up a bit. But I didn't buy meat. I barely bought anything. I had a large Trader Joe's cold bag and 3 cloth bags to show for my trouble. Insane. I think sometimes, though, my liberal guilt gets to me. I mean I want my kids to have it better than I did, of course. I didn't have it that bad, but there is always room for improvement.
That's why I need to lock them in the closet. . They are so picky! I grew up on hot dogs, and they were boiled, dammit. Not my kids, who say:
"I don't liiiiike hot dogs! Yuck!"
And I don't buy cheap-ass hot dogs! It's Hebrew National here, baby! About once a month. And they don't like lunchmeat. I grew up on Oscar Meyer baloney (it had a first name, dammit) But not for them. For them, I buy deli meat at $8 a pound. (only not tonight 'cause it was late and the deli was closed). They are so particular. I keep telling them if we lived in a trailer somewhere they would be
beaten eating Velveeta sandwiches on Wonder Bread, so quit yer bitchin.' Eat your danged organic, preservative-free, let's-not-be-cruel-to-it until-we-murder-it -for-your -consumption-turkey-with-muenster-cheese-made-at-a-farm-where-they-tap dance-with-the-cows-and-then-massage-them-to make-them-happy- sandwich!
I'll be over here putting away the whole-grain crackers, organic fruit, fair-trade coffee and eggs that are only laid by hens who sing opera and stand on their heads every fourth Tuesday.
T, who is thinking at some point, it gets ridiculous