Saturday, August 30, 2008

The Monkey Can't Believe It, Either!

Are you ever completely shocked at what comes out of your mouth? I mean, like some other person who isn't your mother is channeling their voice through you? And you stand there like "WTH did I just say??" Well, that happened to me today.

In my defense, my husband is out of town, and has been since forever last Saturday. I have no idea which way is up, I would not make a good single mother. I think I would eat my children. With a spork. wait, let me back up...

We were having lunch at Taco Bell. It had gone well, if you don't count the fact that no one wanted to sit next to anyone else and once they did, they kicked one another. But that wasn't the problem. I simply am setting the scene for you so you understand why I was feeling so stressed. Afterwards, we were headed to the optometrist for JBug to pick out new frames. Yes, I was bringing all the kids there. See the build-up of Had Enough here?

Which is why, as we were leaving, and JBean took a handful of sporks with her (something she has never done, mind you) I said:

"What are you doing? An animal had to die for those, you know!"

What, T? WHAT? Maybe I have spent too much time being snarky at twitter, or maybe I am just losing my mind. And the sad thing is, I didn't even realize it, until JBug said, "What? What animal? That's not true. Why do you tell her that, mama?? (Daughter, haven't you ever heard of the Spork? It lives in forests in Siberia and...)

Because, daughter, apparently I am not human thinking! WHO tells a kid with autism that she kills animals by wanting a spork?

Apparently, I do. Let the beatings commence. I'll be over in the corner, trying not to devour my children.

What have you said that you wish you could take back? Don't leave me alone, here, come on now.

T, who did apologize and tell my kids my brain went to Germany with my husband

9 sent chocolate:

brie said...

We've all had those days - although in your case you might have had a wee bit more then me so far.

You are a woman who is in definate need of chocolate and I would love to send you some of what I have as it has changed my life, one nugget at a time!


Katja of said...

That's nothing.

I once told my daughter the jewelry box she made in school was ugly. I thought her friend had given it to her, but it was a different one, she had made this one. Which of course doesn't make it any better.

I felt horrible, still do. Praying she didn't really hear what I said, and doesn't remember it and get scarred for life. I've never seen my husband so mad.

The jewelry box - is ugly with all colors of rainbow plus stickers, beads, jewels and I'm sure with a couple of painted macaronis.

Me? Am I the worst mom in the world?

Loretta said...

If I hadn't already eaten all the chocolate in the house I would surely send you some right now!

We've all had our slip ups. Like the time my husband pretended to cut his finger off and scared our youngest half to death, poor kid was reaching for the phone to call 911 and hyperventilating! He was 4 at the time.

Or the time that he ordered a "dinosaur cruch" ice cream cone and half way through my husband told him that the "crunch" was dinosaur bones... and the poor munchkin believed him. I thought he was going to hurl right there in the middle of the ice cream shop.

And I can't say that I'm innocent here. There was one time I wasn't really thinking and the sentence just spilled right out of my mouth .... "Grandma is a big a pain in the a$$." And my son's flawless memory of course repeated the phrase right on the spot, and then again on a visit to grandma's he told her to please stop being a pain in the ass, it makes mommy cranky. Oopsies.

Anissa Mayhew said...

Ok, I found that HYSTERICAL!!! So, how many animals had to die for that spork? Perhaps they're endangered. BWAAAAAHAHAHAH

Jenn said...

Oh, I've got you ALL beat! I once accidentally told my daughter that there is NO SANTA CLAUS! WTH!

It started with a talk about monsters...

DD: Are monsters real?
Me: No, they're not

DD: Is Captain Hook real?
Me: No, he's just a character in a movie.

DD: Is (the boogeyman/the wicked witch/the evil step mother) real?
Me: NO!

And so on and so on. By the time she got to Santa Claus I was barely listening. But as soon as I said it I heard her gasp. I tried to backpedal, but she never really bought it.

Of course, she still believes in monsters.

Charnell said...

Being a single mother of two for 16 years, I can definitely understand these 'outbursts'. I've certainly had my share throughout the years.

When my children would spend the entire day fighting on and off and it'd hit that last nerve we all know about..I'd look them dead in the eyes and tell them that I was going to my room, packing my stuff, and running away. I'd go to my room, close the door (and lock it!), and make them think I was doing just that. Listening to them cry, bang on my bedroom door, and beg me not to run away.

Of course after a couple of minutes, I'd return to them and explain to them just how much that I love them, could never leave them, and hug them to death.

So yes, I've been that 'terrible' mother. And here we are now, with them getting ready to graduate and leave home and me begging them not to go, lol! We're mother and children...and the best of friends.

Life is grand. Even when we want to eat our children. ;)

Violet the Verbose said...

Mine's along the same line as Jenn's - my then 4yo was talking about something or other, probably dragons or something like that - and I felt it necessary to explain to her that they don't really exist - I think because she was asking me where they live and what they eat, etc., and I can never make myself come up with some funny, make-believe idea because I don't want to lie to my children. (Which, with my children being as young as they are, I worry endangers their sense of wonder.)

So I explained to her that way back when, people didn't understand the world as well as we do now, so they would make up stories and creatures to explain why things happened. She said, "like what?" and then began to list things for me, like "are leprechauns real? Are unicorns real?" etc. etc. and so on, and at one point, to make the questions stop or at least slow down, I listed for her a bunch of creatures that are not real, and the last thing I said was FAIRIES.

Then I stopped and tried to cover it up somehow because she has not lost any teeth yet and can't wait to do so and leave them for the tooth fairy! AUGH! She didn't ask me any more that night and I am still hoping it was because she had moved on to another thought while I was prattling on and didn't really hear what I said.

But part of me thinks that she already knows (she's 5 now) about Santa and the Easter Bunny and all the rest and is just pretending to believe because she thinks I do and doesn't want to spoil it for me. ha ha!

Karen at Pecked by Ducks said...

Sometime things just come out of our mouths and the brain just isn't fast enough to catch it. You are totally not a horrible mom, none of you/us are. We are just moms. sometimes tired, sometimes burnt out, sometimes not paying attention to the incessant chatter. We need to cut ourselves a little slack. Which is why we blog! :-)

Here is my story. I actually blogged it. Big shocker, I know! :) Thanks for sharing BTW, it makes the rest of us feel better that we are not the only ones!

Phisch said...

LOL! You know, parents have to have a sense of humor.

Hubby told our J that a bug he found in the truck was our pet. "That's Charlie, the bug!" he says.

J, who would normally have a breakdown at the sight of a bug instead was cooing over the thing. I was wondering what he would do when he found that our new pet was lost because it flew out the window. We never had to face that breakdown because Charlie was forgotten after a couple of days.

Yes, Charlie survived in the car for a good few days.

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