My son is obsessed with Bear Grylls. (ok, well, what isn't he obsessed with, truthfully?) He has seen almost every episode. I cannot get into this particular show. Despite the fact he looks passable without a shirt, I just can't do it. It's a survival guide for couch potatoes. 99% of the people who watch it will never be faced with even one iota of the situations presented on the show. Do you know it?
From the website:
In each episode of Man vs. Wild Bear strands himself in popular wilderness destinations where tourists often find themselves lost or in danger. As he finds his way back to civilization, he demonstrates local survival techniques, including escaping quicksand in the Moab Desert, navigating dangerous jungle rivers in Costa Rica, crossing ravines in the Alps and surviving sharks off Hawaii.
And I suppose all of that is true. But what they don't tell you? You watch him eating really gross stuff and then peeing on himself. I am not kidding! Today in the car, my children were relaying the synopsis of the last episode. Apparently, he was "stranded" in the deep south, and to eat, he caught a water snake, ripped its head off (being careful to squeeze the putrid fish out of it so, he didn't get sick) and then ate the snake carass. Mmm, gimme summa dat!.
In another segment, he went fishing for catfish using himself as bait. Seriously! He couldn't find a stick?? He stuck his hand in the water, the fish gnawed on it, bit and he had lunch. He also had a gnarly mangled hand. It had teeth marks and everything. And well, since antibiotics don't grow in the wild, he used the natural solution. He peed on himself! It seems the ammonia is good for the wound. Yeah, I know! He seems to do that a lot. Maybe it's a compulsion.
I am telling you, my hand would fall off before I would pee on it. I just can't imagine. If someone saw you do that, wouldn't they think you were some kind of pervert? And we sit on the couch and watch this...why? Now, I know, urine is supposed to be sterile...but eeeew? It is one thing to pee in the shower Oh what? Like you haven't done it? Eh, it's ok, I don't expect you to admit it... but it is quite another to pee on yourself, on purpose! That?
It's just gross. Especially because he has an entire camera crew there with him, how hard would it be for someone to run to Walgreens for Neosporin? Or even just carry a piece of moldy bread? He could eat it when no one was looking...penicillin is good for you! I am pretty sure I would eat a piece of moldy bread before I would pee on myself. Then again, I wouldn't be caught dead doing either!
My idea of roughing it? I like room service. In a 4 Star Hotel. With a little chocolate on the pillow, please. In a pickle, I will use a porta potty. But it isn't something I want to do often. I went to Spirit West Coast last month. Let me tell you, it was rustic! We camped in tents, ate over a propane stove and peed in a large plastic box. Once a day, a truck came and emptied the box, but honestly? It still wasn't any place you wanted to spend time in. And we had three meals a day, not one was a snake. And though we had to fight bees who wanted to eat with us, none of them wanted to actually eat us. We stood in a line to take a shower, which was a big trailer with metal stalls. Still the water was hot, so I didn't complain much.
And I swear I didn't pee in there, either.
T, who likes indoor plumbing