Friday, May 08, 2009

Weasels totally don't make good pets and he's not that hot, anyway

Social Media. Admit it, it's a time suck. You know it is. There are 400 bazillion places to sign up your name, and you have to anyway, so people don't snarf your really cool moniker. Because, you never know when someone will take your uber-hip name and go and post on kick-yer-puppy sites or I Hate The Blind and then people come to your blog and leave you hateful comments and you have to explain that, "No, that wasn't me, it was an impostor who was pretending to be me, I would never hurt sweet little innocent puppies (they're so cuuute) and blind people rock" but if it was weasels, that would be a different story, because weasels are mean and fast and will probably get in your bed and bite your butt, so that's why they don't make good pets and why this post isn't about the care and keeping of weasels. But if it was, it would kick ass and be the best post ever. But it's not.

And social media like twitter, Facebook, a thousand and one Ning networks, blog directories, blogs, blogs, more blogs (I pretty much only read the stuff from my Blogroll anymore and the people who leave comments here...sorry, I know you are a kick ass writer, or you wouldn't be in my Google Reader, but I just can't keep up with that crap. It just sits there, mocking me and multiplies exponentially. Once in a while I read a post or two, but they just keep adding up, kind of like Octomom's progeny. So know it isn't that I don't love you, I am just freaking overwhelmed!) Besides, since the bloggy-bloggy thing is a community, I want to be able to comment on the blogs I read, and there's only so much time in the day. CPS frowns on ignoring children in order to read blogs. Apparently, kids gotta eat. Regularly! Who knew? If you want to be in my blogroll, let me know, and I will send you the proper forms and I assume you have a notary near you? And can mail chocolate? As you know, I prefer the dark stuff.

Facebook, I don't really know why I am there. Twitter is my love, and I hang there pretty regularly, and kind of feel like when I visit Facebook, I am cheating on my boyfriend. Only he doesn't know it? And you know, this new guy, the one I am steppin' out with? I am beginning to see he really isn't that hot, in fact his teeth kind of separate in the middle and he yaps about football all the time and constantly asks what my name is, and gets it wrong, a lot. Today it's some Celtic thing and tomorrow he calls me a hippie name...and he mentioned something about my True Nature being Vulcan, maybe he is brain-damaged. And he always wants to know what I would take to a desert island (which is strange conversational fodder and I think he is feeling me up out because he is going to kidnap me and take me there and then I'll have to escape using dental floss and bamboo to make a killer raft because I have seen Gilligan's Island and Survivor, thank you) and he's always yammering on about people I don't know and don't care about, but they know my friends or something. So apparently I am supposed to care that they are getting groceries or upset that Dollhouse is being cancelled or something. So, yeah.

There was this one awesome thing he told me, quizzed me about What Random Object I Was and I ended up being a Fishbowl, which is totally not me, I am not all see-through and shallow...

"A clear sphere, your purpose is to hold something interesting, without being so interesting yourself. However, if you weren't there, another life would go down the toilet...."

So then he says:

You're stranded on a desert island. You brought one item, and now you're really irritated that you brought it.
  • What is it?
  • Playstation 3
  • Duct Tape
  • A weasel
  • Dental Floss
  • Box of tissues

Facebook was also all flirty and told me I could answer "a weasel" to every question about the Random Object, so I tried that, too... then I was a Drinking Straw:

"An excellent suck-up. Despite your festive exterior, you're ultimately hollow inside. However, you're bendy, and that flexibility will help in your search to find the chocolate milkshake to fill your hollow recesses."

I like chocolate. And milkshakes. I wonder if weasels like milkshakes...?

T, who clearly needs to spend less time online

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10 sent chocolate:

Trish @ Another Piece of the Puzzle said...

I keep thinking I am just going to close down half the places I'm signed up because I never go there anyway, but then what if I decide someday that they are really important and I needed them?? And then my name will be gone?

And I can't even think about my poor overloaded, neglected Google Reader.

Thanks for the smiles this morning. :)

Recent blog post: A New Direction at Root & Sprout

Tony Letts said...

Another mistresspiece - brilliant. I reckon I'm a cactus - because I'm prickly , hairy and serve no obvious purpose.

Recent blog post: HIGH FINANCE

foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) said...

My Facebook time dropped dramatically when they did away with the unofficial Scrabble game (well, and the fact that the friend I was battling it out with for word domination moved and didn't have access to the Internet). I still visit it from time to time, but when my homepage there is filled with all my friends telling me what things they are scared of and what cartoon character they'd be or the results of whatever random quiz they took that day, I back out of there pretty quick. I'm holding strong to not finding out what random object I might be!

TooManyHats said...

Excellent reading :) I have to agree that Twitter rocks and I am only on FB because of parkday people. Oh, I was a piece of American cheese - because I am bland that way, but the upside was I am popular.

Recent blog post: Super Dooper Pooper

Joie said...

Happy Mothers Day! You have bling (not a weasel) here.

Recent blog post: Mommy Meme for Mother’s Day

T, blog owner said...

that's the problem, isn't it? And are you like me and get all mad when someone takes your name on some social media site you probably don't care about, anyway?

T, blog owner said...

Yes, but did Facebook tell you that?? Can you do Facebook from the UK?

T, blog owner said...

Oh but we want to know, girl. What random object are you? Or what house would you fit best in? What kind of serial killer are you? By the way, you need to friend me on Facebook...I would friend you but I doubt you are FADKOG there...

T, blog owner said...

oh and you melt in a trey sexy way, too. You make the best sandwiches! Great, now I'm hungry. Is that disturbing?

Tony Letts said...

The cactus was my own idea, but we have Facebook in the UK - I only do Twitter though

Recent blog post: HARD-CORE HUMOUR

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