Saturday, May 17, 2008

Well, At Least I Know That I Am A-peeling

No, I didn't want to open her banana. It was a banana. She's six. She can handle it.

There are days when I ask myself, "Self, how are you going to continue? How are you going to handle this chaos for even one more minute?" Today was one of those days. I love my children, I mean, don't we all love our children, for the most part? But having three children means they all play Tag Team Mama, which means they all need or want something... right now. I think there is an unwritten law that states:

"The need for mama's attention is directly proportional to how many demands she is dealing with, right that minute.

The amount of free time mama has is inversely proportional to how bored one is.

(I think this is the Prodigal Principle. All kids seem to know it. I am not sure if they are born knowing it, or if they pass it along in the secret societies formed on playgrounds, swim parties and play dates).

AND one must make sure that mama knows of this state, loudly and with inflection, many times a day. This also must be peppered with inane requests that will probably be rejected.


One of these days, I will have to chronicle every request so that I can fully express my consternation. I can sit and do nothing, and no one wants me. Why is it they all must have my help/attention/involvement all at the same time? I feel like a banana, being peeled! I will try to recreate just a smidgen.

I have made no secret of the fact that my son has High-Functioning Autism/Asperger's. This makes him just a leetle more persistent and demanding than other boys his age. He makes requests, over and over again, until I think I will either run into traffic in a crazy fit or die because my brain explodes, forcing blood from my ears and all over my freshly vacuumed pride-and-joy wood floors. Today, he was hung up on:

  • Nintendo
  • watching TV
  • selling "pet rocks"
  • (don't ask, but he made these rocks a few months ago, I told him no one would buy them, but he was welcome to try. He made $20! I don't want him to continue to badger the neighbors, so I won't allow him to do it anymore. He still asks a few times a week, months later)

  • Play Clue (with me)
  • Play Nintendo? Pleeeeease? I won't get upset, I promise. Please? (repeat 30 times, after each time I add :"Question asked and answered." Finally say, "I have had enough, go somewhere else before I hogtie and find a lake in which to throw you!" er that last part wasn't actually voiced aloud, it was just in my head
  • watch tv please? Bear Grylls is on. Mythbusters is on. I just want to watch tv...WHY can't I watch tv? can I have soy pudding? Ugh! Why nooooot? I'm hungry, dammit. Why do I have to go to my room? I'm SORRY. (apology accepted) Can I play Nintendo? Do you want my Nintendogs to STARVE?

    Finally, I insist he go outside (though it was very warm today, so I waited until late in the evening to suggest it) It lasted about 5 minutes. And after that he left me alone for about 20 minutes. Then, he started all over. Stellar day.

    The girls aren't as difficult, but they both compete for my attention. If I am talking to my eldest, JBug, JBean will most assuredly interrupt. Remember Parenting by Sondheim? I am constantly reminding them they are stepping on one another's words. It is as though there is a game that I know nothing about. Sibling Survivor: the thought processes behind Survival of the Fittest.

    Contestant 1: ((Whoever spends the most time with momma wins! Make sure to distract her when she is talking to a competitor.)) Yes, I neeeeed you to open my banana. I don't care if you are helping the other contestant with her Algebra. Ha! I get points! She stopped what she was doing and turned to talk to me!

    Contestant 2: Wait, I had the attention first, with my Algebra, we need to continue, you can open your own banana! Score! She walked away.

    Contestant 1: I need these Barbie clothes to be put on right now. I can't do it! It's too haaaaaard!

    Contestant 2: Hey! You're interrupting! I don't bug when you are needing help, you can have a turn in a minute!

    Contestant 1: oh oh time to up the ante! Drop to the floor now... ok, whine. Good, you have the Momma's attention now. Remember, negative attention counts in this game, doesn't matter.

    Contestant 3: Oh, now is the time to strike! Take in the sight, sisters arguing, mother feeling harangued, littlest sister on floor gearing up for a tantrum...

    Contestant 3: Can I sell pet rocks?

    WHAT? Mother turns to the #3 and says, " Now is not a good time, we can talk in a minute."

    Contestant 3: (pretending? not to hear) Can I sell pet rocks? Repeat. again.and. again. and again. and...

    Mother turns, wild-eyed, I don't care, please just stop talking and leave me alone for five minutes and let me finish this I have to get you sister calmed down No, I cannot help you with your Algebra, I have to calm your sister first. !

    Score : Sibiling Team: 1 Momma: 0

    Time for a drink. A nice Venti Starbucks Mint Mocha Chip Frap. I am a simple woman. I just don't like bananas.

    T, who does like oranges,peaches,plums,apples,and nectarines

    Vote for my post Well, At Least I Know That I Am A-peeling on Mom Blog Network

    2 sent chocolate:

    Cheryl said...

    Pet rocks - have you thought about ebay?
    Selling + computers + if there are no sales its not your fault.... (?)


    Redheels said...

    And I thought my day was a crazy one......yours tops mine by a mile.

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