Sunday, November 22, 2009

Wanted: 10 minutes peace, but I'll settle for 5..ok make that 3

"Parents are not particularly interested in justice, they are interested in quiet." -Bill Cosby

I am a pretty easy going person, for the most part. No, really, I am. Unless I am tired, and then all bets are off. I can be irritable, easily frustrated, noise sets my teeth on edge. This week, I haven't been sleeping very well. I just got new braces (the clear ego is intact) and they are making it hard to rest. Also, there is a lot going on, and sleep is what suffers. I don't want to make my friends' problems about me… but one of my best Internet friends just found out her husband's cancer has reoccurred, and I am hurting badly for them. Also, another Internet friend is in a hospital ICU fighting for her life back. A good friend is being absolutely screwed over by her ex husband. My daughters have been fighting illness. And me? I am just trying to find some justice, some equilibrium and some peace.

Unfortunately, my youngest, JBean, doesn't understand what "lower your voice," "be quiet, please," "silence" or "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, NO MORE NOISE!" means. She has no idea how to do anything quietly. It just isn't in her makeup. Ok, maybe it's the autism, or maybe it's just her, but enough. Her stim is making noise. She sings, constantly. She sings while playing. She sings in the bathroom. She tries to sing while she eats. She sings herself to sleep. And my ears are tired.

I cannot tell you what I would give for silence. And not the silence where someone else jumps in with a request once they hear dead air for more than 5 seconds, either. Gee, do you think that happens a lot around here? Part of autism is not always getting the nuances of the meter of conversation and where it is ok to break in. So there is a lot of stepping on others' words here. The kids talk over one another, and don't always hear each other. And I am just ready for no more chatter.

I am thinking, an hour, maybe two, of just blessed quiet. If you ask her to be quiet, she talks at the level she thinks is quiet, which is just below the decibels of a jackhammer. And she is just about as repetitive. Driving her noise into my brain, until I want to run screaming, into traffic. Now, this doesn't seem like such a bad plan, really. I figure one of two things will happen: 1) a car will run me over and save me from the noise or 2) they will commit me for being unstable.

And really, the hospital is quiet, for the most part. And I would get to lie in bed all day. And the hat factory wouldn't be such a bad place, when you think about it. Maybe I would finally learn to knit. Hats? Either way, the hospital or the funny farm, at least it would be quiet with no more demands. Three square meals a day,that I don't have to cook. Someone taking care of my every need. Time to nap. Oh, don't tell me you haven't thought about it! Hell, that would just about be a vacation. Where do I sign up?

T, who just wants a break

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3 sent chocolate:

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

I thought that too.

Hospital is NOT quiet, especially when you are rooming with a farting Italian woman that doesn't believe in clothes.

Boo going to school saved my sanity. I have one day off work a week to just revel in the silence, and clean the poop and mustard off the walls.

Tony Letts said...

Maybe you should invest in a pair of ear plugs lol

T. said...

Kelly: Yeah I have been in the hospital. THe only place they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill. But there are days where it seems like it would be a vacation. And school just isn't an option. Some days, I wish it was, but most of the time I am happy with my decision to homeschool.

Tony I am so aware of sounds that earplugs don't work. Also, if they are trying to kill one another I can't just tune that out. (I've tried. ;;oD)

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