Anyone know what the MPG for a llama is on the freeway? How about in the city?

What's that? You are tired of BlogHer posts, you say? But...but, I have so many more! What about the parties?? And my friends that I get to see once a year?? Huh? You want a break from the BlogHer posts? You're feeling a bit jealous unhappy with the lack of variety? Ok, fine, let's talk about my car. Or rather, my piece of crap CAR(s).

We have done well by paying off both cars, so we have no car payment. The downside is that the cars are well, they are Not New. And by not new I mean, they are pretty much P.O.S. in some respects. They run well, they just aren't beautiful. Would I like a new car? Sure! If someone wanted to give me one! I just don't want the payments. Mine works just fine. Or rather, it did, until Sunday. But I am getting ahead of myself... let's talk about JNerd's car, first..

Jnerd's car, which is as old as our oldest daughter. (Quick! do you remember how old she is? If you said, "What is fifteen, Tina?" You WIN. ...nothing. sorry. I mean, yeah, you win, but I got nuthin' but love for ya baby.) So, we have ascertained that JNerd's car, a rather long-in-the-tooth Kia Sportage is almost as old as our oldest child. And, two weeks ago, the car up and died. I mean, the hose blew off. Resulting in a big hole in the radiator. JNerd tried to pull over, but evidently was not fast enough, because he cracked the fargin' head gasket. Luckily we have a mechanic who I think was trained in the Dark Arts, because he is amazing, and costs us about one-third what the dealer would, because he knows how to order just parts of parts, and not the entire engine for one bolt. (the dealer is notorious for selling more than is absolutely needed, because parts of parts aren't sold new.)I am thinking our mechanic might be part Jedi: "These aren't the parts you're looking for.." He always says he can rebuild it...and I add, "You have the technology," ala The Six Million Dollar Man. For the 4 people as old as I am that read this blog, you totally got that reference. The rest of you are scratching your head and looking confused. Yeah, well, forget you. Back to the car. We have not had his car for over two weeks. And having one car is frustrating. But, at least there IS a car.

Well, there was another car. It is as old as my youngest daughter. Which means it is almost eight. And? The car died on Sunday, before BlogHer. JNerd bought a new battery and everything was fine. Until Wednesday night when the car wouldn't start again. Turns out it was the alternator, baby. We had to rent a car to get me to the airport on time (sing it with me...airport on time...makes me party...) and we have had the rental now for about a week. .That's right, beeshes. We ARE hemorrhaging money! Let's not even talk about the fact that I had to change my flight reservation later due to an emergency, and Southwest dinged me for almost the amount I spent on the ticket in the first place! Oops, sorry, I wasn't going to mention BlogHer, was I? Well, suckit sorry.

Yesterday, I sat at the mechanic's while he fixed my poor van. $610 later....it runs fine. But I tell you what. I was immensely grateful, even though I hated paying that bill. Cars are wonderful. Especially when you don't have one. Makes you appreciate When They Work.

I am thinking I need a llama. That's what people in Peru use to get from Point A to Point B. I wonder how fast they can move on the freeway? And I hear they spit, but it seems like a good defense against sign-wielding homeless people on freeway on ramps. "Stand Back! I've got a llama, and I'm NOT afraid to use it! NO I don't have any spare change...it all goes to the money pit that would seem to be my piss-ant cars these days.. Wait! Where are you going? I have a left over brioche in the car...!"

Come to think of it, maybe I need a sign...

. Yeah, I definitely might need that.

T, who is serious about that llama thing...

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