What Not to Do With Your Underwear

I walked into my hotel room and stopped short. The maid had been there.. The wastebasket had been emptied, the sink was wiped down and the beds had been made. Housekeeping had made another discovery, as well. How embarrassing. My turquoise boy-cut Hanes underwear were on top of my pillow, staring at me.

I was in town for the womens' blogging convention, Blogher. Leaving my hotel room bright and early, I was rushing to get to breakfast and then my next session. That's how Blogher is..there is always somewhere to be, and always five minutes ago. Or maybe that's just me.

I have a terrible habit of leaving my underwear under my pillow at home. My giant dog, who can put her head upon my higher-than-normal bed, has a tendency to steal underwear that are left at the foot of the bed at night. After a few mornings of waking up to find my unmentionables had become a snack, I took aversive action. Into the hamper with those skivvies. She found them there, too. Yum yum. Munch, munch, munch, she said. That's when my underwear ended up under my pillow when I sleep.

So here I was, at the Marriott, 5-star resort, and the housekeeper thinks I am

1) a pig.
OR
2) so drunk I either
A) forgot where I put my underwear
B) got lucky and was so carried away I didn't think about where my underwear were

Unfortunately, the truth is a lot more boring. I didn't get drunk. I certainly didn't have sex with anyone. I simply went on auto-pilot without thinking. It's like when you drive the kids to school everyday and then forget that it's a weekend and you are going to the grocery store and you drive there only you end up halfway to school? Again, just me?

It seems silly, I won't ever see the housekeeping staff again. But I realize...I am so boring. I can't help wishing I had at least had sexier, more interesting underwear. Something hot pink, lacy, racy and thongy? I have those, I just didn't wear them. When you get to be my age, sometimes comfort wins over sex appeal. And since I knew no one would be seeing my underwear but me, I didn't really worry about it. (What comes to mind is the age-old momism, "Did you put on clean underwear? What if you get in an accident??") Instead, the maid not only saw my underwear, she had to touch them.

When I left the hotel room, I cleaned up after myself, picking up trash, making my bed, rinsing out the sink. I checked under the pillow twice. And I left a big tip.

My check-in tip on foursquare: "Check under your pillow so you find your underwear before the maid does," Social media for the win. Don't say you haven't been warned.

So Blocked This Post Has NO Title

It's like when you get constipated. You have the urge, but can't do the purge. The problem is not that I don't have ideas. I am so clogged up with ideas that one can't make it through the pipeline. I can't seems to narrow my focus or lessen my stress enough to actually get something of *import down on paper. I read others' blog posts and think, "I could have written that! I had that thought, I just didn't take it to fruition.

I think I need my Eighth grade english teacher. She is the one who taught me to write. She gave me permission to develop my voice; I believed that what I had to say was important, and it was. Of course, later that year, she leaned over me, took a big sniff, smelled the acrid second-hand smoke that I was marinated in from my mother smoking in the house and said, with disdain: "Do you smoke?" She was loud enough for some of my classmates to hear, and they snickered. Yes, she wasn't named Mrs. Dick for nothing. True story. But the damage was done; I believed I could write. It was in my blood.

My daughter is also a writer, and a more prolific one than I was at her age. I would write what I called "story starters," pen several tens of pages of my "novel", then either get stuck or bored and intend to go back and add to it. Sometimes I actually did. My daughter, on the other hand, has done a program for writers called, NoNoWriMo, which is simply National Novel Writing Month. In one month, she has written 50,000 words. And not only has she done this once, but twice. I could only hope to have that kind of commitment.

Why is it that when you are young, with nary a story to tell, the pen flows freely, almost on it's own, but once older and with more experience, it is much harder to find the time to tell the story? I consider this God's cosmic joke. I know I have a story to tell. I just can't FIND it.

September is over, why didn't anyone wake me up?

I pretty much hibernated for the last month after I came home from New York. With the migraines, school starting and the planning associated with that little venture, we had some other unexpected events to deal with as well. Which, of course, I will blog as I get back into the swing of things. And I? Just bugged out. I needed to take a break, to recuperate from life, and come back to blogging renewed. So, if you will still have me, I am back. So buy me a drink, pass me the mike, cause Radio Tee is back on the air. Ok, not really. I am just blogging again. But you can still buy me a drink. I missed you. You look great in that. Have you lost weight? What? Do I want to go somewhere? Let's take it slow, have some conversation, and then see where that leads. Tina

Just In Time For School To Start, a Quiz

So, tell me, how is it that I head to a blogging convention, come home and don't blog? {Pick one}

• A. I was completely intimidated by the talent at BlogHer
• B. I am too busy with preparations for school
• C. I am frustrated at the lack of notice from P.R. and advertisers
• D. I am preoccupied with molesting my husband
• E. I just needed a break and was too lazy to line up guest posters
• F. I have discovered tumblr which is addictive and fun and much, much faster than standard blogging
• G. I had a massive case of Writer's Block and literally could write NOTHING
• H. All of the above

Ok, yes, the correct answer is H. Hey, don't judge me. And I am back now, bitches.So you'd better just quit your tittering about where the hell I've been. You asked for it, more snark, less lazy. So, you get it. I am all about giving my readers what they want. But no, you can't have that only JNerd gets that. And you can't have a damn pony either, so suck it up. I will provide your daily RDA of humor and snark *, however. Get used to it.

*not for the diagnosis or treatment of any disease, claims not proven clinically, void in some foreign countries, objects in mirror are closer than they appear, not for small children, cap not childproof, forks concentrated in electrical sockets can be hazardous to your health, shaking blogger's cage punishable by fine, tow away zone, ply with martinis, if you must much wine whine do it elsewhere, not for indoor use, do not iron clothes on body. DO NOT remove tag under penalty of law, Offer subject to change at whim

T, who will hopefully be able to write again

Pretty sure if you are searching for evil otters and zombies, this is the place. And chocolate? That, too

Let's Play, name that search!

I thought it would be fun to show you some of the crazy things that people search for and somehow wind up on my blog. (see, I do too have readers!) Ready?

send chocolate
Number one. Suppose people are confused that I don't ship that precious brown cocoa gold to their door?

pulling my hair out
This is close behind, and believe it or not, people don't bounce from this one...they stick around and read. Do you think it's because I still have my hair??

bang head here
Yes, this is a good place to land. I even have a graphic for it!

how to talk to a 15 year old
Why ask me?? Sure, I can talk, but does she listen? (See the two terms above this one) Believe it or not, people stick around after searching this term, too.

comfiest chair ever
If you own this, can you tell me what it is? Mine makes my butt numb.

things getting weird please send chocolate
Well, duh.

evil otter
I have no idea. Really. I write about weasels

color order of 96 crayon pack
OCD much? Listen, I love crayons, but I don't keep them in a specific order. well, ok, yes, I do. But it is my order, not Crayolas. (color spectrum, by hue, thanks for asking)

good earplugs for kids with aspergers
How about good earplugs for Moms with kids who have Aspergers? I could use those...

evil kittens
I have two they can HAVE. One doesn't pee on the floor, much.

are weasels good pets
Sure, if by "good pets" you mean "will they gnaw your face off"

how to rsvp a funeral
I have no idea where this came from

what is that smell
You know, they say, "he who smelt it? Dealt it...

sexy spider girl suit
I. don't. know. Really. I swear.

vegetable law
Sure you don't want Room 704 for that one??

sexy wheelbarrow
Because? Why? We don't want to know about your Farmer John fetish. That's just sick.

Got the cat right on his head.
doesn't everybody? This one came complete with the punctuation. I like to imagine it said with a southern accent...hours minutes seconds of fun!

hogtie boys
That's just wrong. Again, Room 704 might be more your speed....

honey there's a cat in the freezer
Guess I know what you're havin' for dinner, eh?

why kids say meow with aspergers
If you figure it out, will you let ME know? Add singing, too...

how to piss off a cat
I could teach a class in this one...trust me, ask my cat

spot and zombies
I can haz zombehs, plz??

one more:

spock as a zombie
FTW!

Apparently, chocolate, Asperger's,Spock, evil otters and zombies will bring you straight to my door. Seems my work here is done. ::insert evil cackle here:::

What's the weirdest search anyone has ever done for your blog?

T, who is immensely entertained by the search results, THANK YOU!

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That Thing We Do: What motivates writers to stick with it instead of watching American Idol or Mythbusters on the tube?

As a writer, I always am interested in what makes a writer I admire tick. I like to know how and when they write. It's not like I want to copy anyone else's creative process, I just like to know their motivation. I enjoy being a part of something, sort of a club, I guess. (but a club where anyone can enter, not one of those exclusive clubs with a ten-year waiting list). I have always said you are either a writer, or you're not. I think you know. And it isn't about whether or not others recognize your creative output, it's about if you have the need to write. If others recognize what you do, if you get published, based upon what you do, that is certainly the icing on the cake. But I think there are a lot of people out there with great talent who haven't been discovered. Does that negate their skill? I don't think so.

I am very interested in how writers I admire do it. Megan over at Velveteen Mind has a writing sweater that she wears when she is creating. Whit creates bios. Jenn M. is not writing about politics or world events. FADKOG writes for her dad. And Loralee writes about the new. Jenny is writing about sex..for a living. (and though I love her, she is an acquired taste, so if you are easily offended, better not click that link. Though that link isn't bad, not really).

Thursday night, at the booksigning, Jen Lancaster told us how she writes (and who would play her in the movie version of her life) This is my video, go easy on me if the sound is too soft, it's from my new flip video camera I got for mother's day:

So how do I write? I spend a lot of time creating content for other websites and trying to find time for adding to my own. Consequently, I write late at night, when everyone else is in bed, usually. The house is quiet, and the cat is often next to me. There are rare times I write while everyone else watches television (like right now) My daughter has her little leg thrown over mine as we sit on the couch. I am hunched over my laptop, that sits on my IKEA Dave laptop table we actually have three of them, his, hers, and teen's) They are black so they match my house decently enough. and try to tune out discussion over bungee-jumping, speed of hiccups and discussions over the merits of cereal. This is a combination of family conversation and Mythbusters, see why I am creatively challenged inspired?

But what you really want to know is who would play moi in the movie version of my life. I have decided it would either be Tina Fey (she has that sexy, impolitic librarian thing going on) or Helena Bonham Carter (who, though elfin, has the crazy that is me, with the wit and the left of center vibe).

And you? What motivates you to click-click-click the keyboard and hit "publish?" AND (you knew I would ask this) who would play YOU in the movie version of your life?

T, who likes to think of herself as the Mythbusters of blogging

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The words hung in the air almost exactly the way a brick doesn't

with apologies to Douglas Adams

Lately I am having a hard time with that bane of any writer's existence, Writer's Block. I often write late at night or early in the morning after everyone else is asleep in my house. It helps me to concentrate and unplug, so I can say what I want to say. I know I can write, and I it is something I enjoy, almost all of the time.

Writing is usually easy for me, but lately it's getting cumbersome. Sometimes that doubt creeps in. Why am I doing this? Who is reading? What if I have nothing to say? Am I relevant?? I have been trying to figure out the writing process. I am probably thinking about it too hard, putting too much pressure on myself. (too bad there is no pill for "that certain part of the female creativity".. I could use that)

Maybe I am writing too much about autism elsewhere, and it's a buzz kill. I am coming up empty. It's like a gargantuan space, where creativity is supposed to be. To borrow a term from Star Trek and science, "a singularity".. a black hole that consumes all of my best ideas and writing. I don't know where it comes from or why. I just know it's like...

• ...slogging through warm maple syrup, waist-deep, being chased by weasels (yeah, ok, they would probably drown, but go with me here)


• ... a brick on the chest, that hurts to breathe


• ...a fear of "Oh my God I have written my last funny/poignant/entertaining/informative piece....ever"


• ...feeling like a fraud, every time you hit publish, because, what IF you shot the wad on that one, and there is nothing left. And WHY do people read, anyway when there are so many out there more talented than you are?


• ...neglecting laundry, dishes, pets needing to be fed trying to get that elusive thought translated into writing...so you can breathe again.


• ...every day, feeling a pressure to create, and if you cannot, the pressure increases until it feels like it will consume you.


• ...staring at the flashing cursor and the blank window as you try to get something...anything, to fill that window so it doesn't look quite so ominous (yes, the cursor is mocking you: youcantwrite youcantwrite youcantwrite)


• ...never feeling good enough...never translating it exactly the way it was in your head, groping for words and hoping people understand what you have to say and more importantly, care.


• ...throwing yourself out there, every single day, hoping what you say means something to someone


• ...like labor..stalling and you aren't sure if you are ever going to have the baby and if you do...will it be healthy?


• ...waking up in the middle of the night to write amazing ideas down, then having no idea what to do with them the next morning


• ...trying too hard, too long.


• ...comparing yourself to other writers you admire, and coming up short


• ...every morning, praying you can write something and hoping like hell you won't let yourself down


• ...needing to express yourself in order to get it unscrambled


• ...talking about it, trying to break the power of the block


• ...having no idea how to end this list...
.

• ...so you add one more item and hope it's enough

it has to be

T, who writes, or at least tries to

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Quick! You Have 140 Characters To Tell Me How Much I Rock: Go!

Hey, and welcome if you came for the Ultimate Blogger Party! What? Over here, in the corner. What am I wearing? Oh. It's not a lampshade! ..it's a hat. Whut? Never mind! Grab a drink! And some chocolate, don't forget some chocolate. Let's talk about blogging, because, well, what else would you talk about at a party for bloggers? And remember, this is a conversation, so your input is wanted...

In the beginning, when I started three years ago, comments were currency. You "paid your respects" by leaving a quick comment for the owner of the blog. It was your calling card. If you cared enough to read, you left evidence that you had been there. In return, the blog owner often would visit you once in a while. It was a lot of fun.

As the Blogosphere ballooned exponentially, it was no longer possible to comment on every blog you visited. It became harder to get noticed and find a core readership. When the marketing of blogging took off, suddenly, blogging was a business, not just a pasttime, and everyone had a blog. Who had time to comment?

I have been noticing for a while now that though my comments have decreased, my traffic has increased. While I love that new people are finding me, I would really like it if you came out of hiding, so I can get to know you. I started blogging for the community, and the connection to others. But I have noticed that unless you are one of these rock star awesome bloggers with a legion of loyal subjects, your comments won't be where most of your interaction comes from.*

*Barring giveaways to entice people to your blog and "extra" chances to enter contests by tweeting your link, subbing to your feed in order to increase your exposure...all things I won't do here. I may, from time to time, do a giveaway, but I won't force you to tweet my link or subscribe to my feed or blog about my contest... that feels disingenuous to me. It's not the way I roll.

::tap, tap, is this thing on?:::

But if you're like me, you will keep writing, and hope the writing pulls the unsupecting victims minions worshippers readers in, and that your wit and aplomb keeps them here.

Enter twitter. With 140 characters to say just what's on your mind, twitter revolutionized the blogging scene. For some, it became a time suck, and their blogs weren't so important. We call them "microbloggers." For others, it became a way to stay connected to those they blogged with and meet new bloggers. There were almost as many ways to use twitter as there were twitter accounts!

Jump to today. I will often tweet a blog post, and it would seem that twitter has become the new blog comment forum. Followers will comment on the post, via twitter, and not on the blog itself. So I will check stats and comments on my blog and feel mildly discouraged to find few (compared to last year when the comments were more plentiful) Then I will remember that comments and kudos came through my twitter stream. It would appear that Twitter is the new comment system.

But I think I kind of miss the old one.

Just an aside, I think Comment Luv is one of the best things to happen to blogging. I love clicking on the last post that someone links through my comments. Might it be you?

T, who says come out, come out, whoever you are

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Blog-What? (or Why I Will Never Be an A-List Blogger, and That and $3 Might Get You A Cup Of Coffee)

I have been percolating this post in my head for a bit what? a percolator used to be used to make coffee, the water was boiled up over the grounds...never mind, google it, loathe to write it for fear I will sound like a whiny brat. Though I am pretty sure that I am old enough not to be classified as a brat any longer. That's MRS. Bitch to you... but I have some things on my mind, and wonder if maybe others out there might have the same fears. I figure if I write it out, maybe we can lance this festering boil discuss it and be done with it.

I went to Blogher 08. It was a life-changing experience. I went with no preconceived notions. I had never met anyone there, except through Twitter and reading their blogs. And I had the best time, met women I count as lifelong friends, and learned some interesting things along the way. It was an absolute success; one of the high points of my blogging experience.

But here's the thing. I am going again this year. I am excited, and I am also afraid. Afraid it won't be the same. I know, nothing is constant except change, but when you hit a pinnacle, you want it to be the way it was. I think it is human nature. Or maybe I am just a huge wimp. I don't want to be a third wheel. And I don't want to feel out of place because I am not a hugely successful and marketable blogger.

I have been blogging for three years. I started because if I didn't write, I would explode. In the beginning, I didn't expect anyone to even read it especially not my parents..oh God, not my parents, ever but gradually, I developed a modest following, and spurred on by twitter, gained a bit of recognition. When I went to the Blogher conference, I met people who knew me, at least 140 characters of me...or my writing through my blog. But I don't make money from my blog, and the new Mommyblogger 2.0 has kind of left me in the dust.

I suppose that's my fault. I don't market myself. I have no idea what my brand is, or even if I want one. I don't contact PR or marketing firms trying to get free products. None of that is me. I just write. There is a debate going on about what it takes to be a successful blogger in the Blogosphere right now. The concern is that many of us are going to get left in the dust by a new breed of entrepeneur and marketing mamas. These are women who are savvy at self-promotion and have the time to leverage their blog. Face it, with 3 kids with autism and homeschooling, I barely have time to wipe thoroughly after using the bathroom, much less pound pavement to make myself known.

I won't lie. I wouldn't mind being on marketing panels. I would like free trips and bling to give to my loyal readers. But I wonder at what cost all of that comes. When does it become not about the writing and more about the stuff you can get for writing? I have had a few very small potatoes marketing offers. But there has been nothing that I felt would fit with my blog content. So I have turned those offers down, rather than sell out. Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge anyone else's choice to market as they see fit. We all have our own comfort level. I won't judge anyone else. I just know what feels good to me, and what I am willing to do.

Which brings me to my conundrum. Where do I fit in the blogging world? I have contented myself with the fact that I will never be an A-list blogger. Not because I think I am not good enough, I really believe I am. But there are so many out there, and only so much time for people to read. Those that get hundreds of comments for each post they write? They are a very small segment and it's not the norm. Far more people read this blog than comment. And they read yours, too... In any case, I am asking myself why I am going to Blogher this year. I certainly can't justify the expense. My "revenue stream" is a joke, and unless I am looking for a tax writeoff, it isn't going to help much at all. I went back and forth about going...but the bottom line for me is this:

whether I am an A-list blogger or not, I am a blogger. Therefore, I fit in. There will be others there that are better at what I do than I am.

But it's about the women. The women I know, the women I will meet and the women from whom I will learn. That is why I am going to Blogher. So repeat after me:

"Just for today, I am not going to get caught up in comments as currency. I am not going to look at my followers list, Facebook friends or Feedreader numbers. I am good enough, and I have a place in the Blogosphere, in whatever way I want to be there."

I started blogging because I loved it and because I wanted to help other parents dealing with an autism diagnosis and wondering what to do. I wanted to connect parents to one another, as they were flailing around and feeling stuck and alone. That is the stated purpose of this blog. Can you market it? No. Can I live with it?

A thousand times, yes.

T, who hopes you are going, too

I Don't Make New Year's Resolutions. But, If I Did...

Lately I have been thinking about why I am not writing as much. I am not really burnt out, but just feeling a lot of pressure to perform or something. Then I read this, and now I get it. She said it more eloquently than I could. So, rather than try and reinvent the wheel,just go read Okay, Fine, Dammit. Now.

Have you found yourself writing less? Do you have a plan to deal with it?

T, who says why can't I just write and forget what people think?

Wit is Just Sarcasm in a Prettier Dress

I used to be a writer. Really, I did. I came here every day and wrote something, and edited it, and hit publish. I would see it there in print and I was a writer. But lately, besides being busy (because isn't that always a great excuse) I have sort of been avoiding the writing. I know, you want to know why. Here's the bottom line:

I think too much.

No really, I do. I don't do feelings. Sure, I feel a smidgen of frustration, or joy, but I go past the negative emotions, preferring to dissect them in my head. I write about them, process them and whittle them down to the size of an ant. Then I stomp on them. But they get killed before I ever feel them. That used to work, but now I am more aware that I have those feelings, and well, they have to go somewhere. Where they go is anxiety and irritability, and I am tired of feeling tired.

So I have been writing less, and making myself feel the emotions instead of analyzing them, by writing about them. I know it sounds crazy, but it really makes a difference for me. I don't say, "What do I think about that?" any longer. Now I ask myself, "How do I feel about that?"

Thinking and analyzing emotions aren't the same as actually feeling them. And they bottle up, coming out sideways. It makes me a terrible mother, because the only way to deal with the stress I am under every single day is to numb out. And it took me a long time to realize I do that...because I DO feel something. But mostly, I feel anger. And for the most part, that anger is unexpressed. And I have realized that the knot in my stomach, my shoulders and my neck is just repressed feelings: powerlessness, disappointment, fear. And, because those aren't powerful emotions, I let the anger coat it like armor. It feels safer.

Sarcasm is an ego defense. It is a way to deny what is going on around you. Keep it at arms' length. Makes it safe. And Wit is just Sarcasm with a college degree.

Let's get this straight. I am absolutely not quitting. I am still writing, still blogging, still around. I am just around...less. As I journey through this new territory, I just have less energy to create. But I fully expect that once I have come far enough, it can only improve my writing. So I will be posting, just not every day. Know I still love you all, and still read your blogs. I just don't have the time to comment as much as I did before.

In the mean time, I recommend the new Wally Lamb book, In the Hour I First Believed. It is very good, as good as I Know This Much is True.

T, who feels....yeah.

Have I Told You That I Think You ROCK?

consider it said...YOU ROCK. Thanks for reading.

I am really behind on Bloggy Housekeeping (not to mention regular housekeeping!) and need to give thanks to some and props to others. So...here we go:

From the Bon Bon Gazette I received the Kick Ass blogger's award...thanks Hellokittiemama! I appreciate the vote of confidence!

The rules:

1. Choose 5 bloggers that you feel are “Kick Ass Bloggers”.
2. Let ‘em know in your post or via email, twitter or blog comments that they’ve received an “Award!” Share the love and link back to both the person who awarded you and back to http://www.mammadawg.com/.
3. Hop on back to the Kick Ass Blogger Club HQ to sign Mr. Linky then pass it on!

I choose my own, and because I never could follow the rules, I choose 6:

Whitterer on Autism

califmom

Confessions of an Apron Queen

For a Different Kind of Girl

That Girl Blogs

Attack of the Redneck Mommy

Marshella presented me with

The Charming Award

The Rules: Leave the following message on your post when you pass the award on to their chosen eight blogger buddies. “These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award.”

From California to Singapore

A Smeddling Kiss

Feel Me.

Shannon Sez So

this military mama

adventures in babywearing

the adventures of leelo and his potty-mouthed mom

And my friend, 2TooManyHats, has tagged me. As if you don't know enough about me, now I have to find seven inane pieces of information that you probably could care less about...but I am a good sport, so here goes...

• My second toe is longer than my big toe. I have piano player toes. Yeah, that's it.


• my favorite coffee comes from Starbucks. I order a Grande mocha decaf, and used to get chocolate whipped cream, but they discontinued it. Now I get regular whipped cream and have them drizzle it with chocolate syrup.


• I was the consummate "WHY??" kid. My parents were so exasperated that by age six, they bought me a set of encyclopedias. I read them all by the time I was in the 6th grade.


• I like Science Fiction, but not all of it. I like cerebral Sci-Fi, like Fringe, Heroes and, two that aren't around anymore, Babylon 5 & Firefly.


• I love animals and feel immense joy visiting them at the zoo. I really think I have a connection...when I show up they come to the fence, or make eye contact. It's weird, and others have commented on it.


• I love tech gadgets, but they have to be intuitive. Just tech isn't enough for me...I don't like piddling to figure things out. One of the reasons I love Apple: things are where you THINK they will be.


• I bit my nails for many, many years. One day, I just stopped. I don't know how. Now they are long and strong and nice-looking. I tried for years and couldn't cease; no idea how I finally did.


• I like to cook, but it is difficult to spend the time to do so. I cook well, but have a hard time duplicating the same thing. I add to taste, and it works, but I never know what I just did.

Ok, so now I have to pick 7 more people to shower you with random stuff about themselves: Momma's Tantrum
To Think is to Create
A Box of Chocolates
Dried Paper Cuts and Chickens
Topsy-Techie
The White House
Peyton's Hope Page

There. Go.

T, who wants to give an award to EVERYONE

I Have Plenty of Excuses...Just Gimme a Minute

(this is my conversation with my imaginary readers...just go with it)

Dear T: Your blog has sucked lately. No really, it is lagging. You are sometimes a bit funny. Maybe. What gives? Do you hate us?

Signed, ticked off

Dear Ticked,

NO. I don't hate you. But maybe your expectations are too high. I can't handle it. I am caving to the pressure. You are going to find me sitting in the corner typing "AOL ate my gmail" over and over again on the screen. (I was going to write that it was better than writing "g-string" but realized at least that would be mildly amusing) Seriously.

But if you had my life you would get why I am throwing up lame videos. I homeschool (have I mentioned that before?) and school has started again. (did I mention that I homeschool?) Also, my oldest daughter has started classes, which means I am playing ferry four times a week. (and did you know that I homeschool?) Not to mention band and ballet and small group... so I just have been so tired, getting used to my schedule. Ok, so I am not Fussypants...who runs a blogdiva empire and homeschools and vacuums blissfully in all her Domestic Glory.... we know this, right?

Also, I am such a fierce (with apologies to Christian from PR) perfectionist that I am really never happy when I hit publish. I get a sinking feeling in the bottom of my stomach that it just ain't good enough.

Dear T.: Boo Hoo, cry us a river. We pay you good money to write good content! Oh, wait, no we don't...ahem. In any case, We are tired of the excuses. Yes, we know you claim not to be good at the domestic thing, though we suspect that you are lying and your house is actually spotless, your children are beauteous and obedient and you just don't want to make us feel badly. Further, we believe you actually dress like an Italian film star, which is why you seldom post pictures of yourself on your blog. (you could have totally won the Hottest Blogger Contest, had you entered, right?) You just wanted to give others a chance, since that's the kind of warm-hearted blogdiva you are.

Signed Full of Hope

Dear Full,

Uh, yeah, sure. That's it. I haven't been writing quality material because I have been lunching with important people who are more importanter than you. I actually don't spend all day with my children, I have a live in nanny/housekeeper who takes the little darlings to French Class and dance lessons while I hobnob with the Real Housewives of the OC.

Yes, you have found me out. My life is infinitely more glamourous than yours. Because I am such a successful blogger, Sephora drops makeup at my door by the truckload. But I am not here to receive it, since I am at the theatre, box seats, complimentary, of course. And did I mention that my new car is in the driveway? Paid for by Google Ads page views?

Tomorrow, I will be interviewed by Katie Couric, because she wants to know how I stay so absolutely fabulous. without alcohol, mind you!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get my well-toned derriere off this expensive couch, lift my lacquered nails and deign to remove the refuse from my kitchen since the can is full. And once I am done with that, I will start my thousand dollar dishwasher (no, really, actually that's true....it's a splurge but I LOVE it...) so that it can lovingly and quietly caress my dishes while I sleep.

And then? I will get up and start the whole mess all over again. And I still won't have a decent blog post when (if?) you show up.

Oh. And...g-string.

do you go through blogging dry spells? What is your best advice for dealing with them? Are you ever happy before you hit "Publish Post?"

T, who isn't feeling very "on" lately and hates it..hope you can forgive me

Technorati: blogging, perfectionism, writing

photo of Christian: People.com photo of children: Magnum Photo blog

Just So You Know I am Not All Gloom and Doom

I love you. I really do. I love your blog, and I love the fact that you keep coming back to read mine. I am just one big messy, fuzzy ball of gooey love for you. And I know I wrote the post below about Entrecard and how frustrating the quality of blogs and content can be, but for the most part, I really love this Blogosphere. And I want to add my contribution, of what I think makes a good blog.

How to Write Good Blog Posts

• Content, baby. Write often, write well.
• Make me laugh, cry, get pissed off. In short, make me feel it
• be involved in the blog community, don't sit on a pedestal and look at the plebes who comment
• be REAL. This is key. Use your own voice.

• have an easy-to-read template, and check it against all browsers. What you see isn't always what others see
• gussy up your posts with pictures, but don't make it too image-heavy, or it will have long loading times
• provide an experience that your reader can't get anywhere else
• Know who you are; some call this "branding"..I call it authenticity.
• this is so important I am listing it twice. GET INVOLVED. The Blogosphere is a conversation, NOT a monologue.

  What do you like to see in a blog? What keeps you coming back?

  T, who big pink puffy hearts you, lots n' lots

  Technorati: blog, blog_traffic, Blogosphere

Hey Entrecarders! I hate your blog!

To those who do Entrecard:

I recently lost all my bookmarks in Flock (long story, having to do with beta version and not saving from one version to the other.) In any case, recently Entrecard banned the generators that I used to use to drop cards. So I am starting over, making my folders of 10 bookmarks and dropping on people. I have to get this off my chest, or I will explode. I have come to this conclusion:

There's a lot of crap out there

So, this is the post I have been trying not to write. But I finally had to do it.

Don't expect a return visit from me:

• if you do paid posts and don't divulge that until the end of the post
• you have embedded music. Period. It is extremely annoying!
• if your blog is all about making money, and you aren't in the money-making blogs section
• you don't have a decent command of the English language
• if you don't write good content; don't spend five minutes and post with typos just to get "something" up
• if all you have on your blog is negative posts. I have my own shit to deal with, I don't want a steady ration of yours as well

• you're just a repository for ads and want page views, not readers
• you are simply a giveaway clearinghouse. I read blogs as a Slice of Life, not to get stuff
• you have no original content, simply recycled from elsewhere
• the template is too busy and interferes with the posts
• if the badge on Entrecard has nothing to do with your blog

That's my rant, add your own. Do you do Entrecard? Do you think it adds quality traffic, or is your bounce rate high?

And, just so you know that I am not completely all about the negative, the next post is how to write a good blog post.

what drives you nuts about a blog? What are some of the biggest blog mistakes you've seen (or made!)

T, who says just because monkeys CAN create Shakespeare, should they?

Technorati: Entrecard, blogging, blog_traffic

Meow!

After days of stalking, I have yet to be able to scent whatever giant creature tried to break into the house, so I decided to distract myself with this electronic mess. Talking into these key things is not so hard since fellow felines pushed the tall-ies to get cat support into this "OS" thing under that "Universal Access" name. However, just trying to confine one's thoughts to this strange tongue of scratched squiggles does still take almost too much effort.

(Bah. Stupid webcam. So hard to focus)

Things have settled down nicely here, although Dontmesswith-Momma and Gets-Me-Food have been gone for a few days now. Annoying-Little-Sister and I have resigned ourselves to waiting upon their return for things to be completely restored to normal. At least the normal food and water have been kept regular.

Little-Loud-One has improved her behavior much of late, so I have generously allowed her to share my space and give me a proper due of scritchies and pets. She learned early on not to pounce at me, since I am by far the better hunter and champion claws. She still does have that annoying habit of trying to hug and cuddle me a bit too tightly. Bah! I am not a dog. Silly person. However, since she has been improving about being soft and gentle around me, so I have decide that the best thing is to just sleep laying against here while she plays, but in just the right spot so that she can not move without disturbing me. Hah! Trapped.

Bouncy-But-Kind still remains the favorite of my little sister. He is nice and all, but I am not quite sure why she can not see that Dontmesswith-Momma and Gets-Me-Food are better to lounge around with. He has been playing that silly guitar noise game again, but I properly have trained him to do so while I flop on top of his feet and sleep. Being the eldest, the largest open spots are mine by right, of course. He is very good with leaving us to our timing, and not trying to chase us. Unlike some silly ones, he understands how much faster and fleeter of foot I am.

Ah, well duty calls again. I am sure that Dontmesswith-Momma enjoys my being on here, since she set such an easy to paw password. But then again I did have to watch her a few times to get it down. Oh well... off to work...

Twinkie, who must nap

Technorati: Cats, Mice, Feline

Who Are You? WE Want To Know!

Sometimes it feels like there is nothing new in the Blogosphere. But Citizen of the Month got it right. If you consider yourself a "nobody" or just not a CRSB (Celebrity Rock Star Blogger©) then you owe it to yourself to check out what he is doing to make the Blogosphere a happy place.

T, who is in, how about you?

Technorati: interview, celebrity, blogging

Constant Comment...and so on....

There were so many comments from the last post, that I decided to address them in a post, to make sure to hit all of them.. Thank you all for commenting, you make this blog what it is.

heather: yes, exactly. There are times I will write a post that I think is important, and it will barely get any feedback. I don't think that means no one is reading. Unless you are a Celebrity Rock Star Blogger (CRSB), less than 3% of those who read actually comment. And then, the CRSBs often get comments so others can show off their own links or just be seen.

.

GeekMommy: yes, we did talk about this in the wee hours of the morning...you helped me put my feelings into words, and I thank you for it. ::mwah!::.

Thomas Dzomba: Yes, comments are only a part of the picture, but without them, it feels like playing Concentration and forgetting where the pairs are located. Or is it just me?.

Mel: thanks, and I like to read you, too!.

Elizabeth Channel: yes, I agree you cannot depend upon comments for self-worth. Write for yourself, first. I think that comes across in your content..

Loralee: funny on perspective, because I think a lot of bloggers would consider you as such..

Jody Reale: very good point, wherever you are, that's where you are supposed to be?.

Kate: I think it is hard to get off the "comments as currency" bandwagon, just due to the way the Blogosphere is set up. It's easy to say, much harder to do..

Gayle: thanks for the chocolate, and I agree with you about the overuse of advertisements. They can be distracting.

tarable: I agree, I also couldn't care less what the boys think. And, I'll sit at whatever table I please. Blogher was less like high school than I had been expecting, that was a pleasant surprise..

Liz: you make a good point; it is very important to know why you blog in the first place..

MPJ: I read about Google pulling your "ads" and it doesn't make a lot of "sense." I know there are other groups out there that have a better CPM, so check those out..

califmom: if you had a penis, it would have been grounds for a much more interesting (and freaky) weekend.....

Summer: thank you.

Susan: somehow the comments from my peers make me more excited than the possibility of getting paid to write. I am not sure why that is..

Marcy: the wonderful think about the Internetz is that there are so many different blogs and groups of people who blog. If you aren't interested in one, you get to click through until you find one you do like. What made Dooce so popular is she was one of the very first to do what we are doing. That, and she is a good writer. Truly, the comments I see on the CRSB sites are not "good post." They are pithy, and insightful and invite discussion. That is what I want to further here, as well..

Lara: I am over 20 years out of high school and sometimes that feeling comes up and knocks me in the nose and I ask did I ever really leave?.

Laura: exactly, writing is a state of mind. It's what we do..

Inzaburbs: you make a good point about blogging being a hobby or a job. Something to consider. And my strings are all tangled these days, I have no idea what leads to where..

Kacey: yes, my IRL (In Real Life) friends don't understand blogging or the Blogosphere. Not sure they ever will..

Maddy: welcome to the community, and to the discussion.

T, who says keep the conversation going, please!

Technorati: Blogher08, blogher, blog_comments

What I Learned at Blogher '08 #2

cross-posted at Blogher.com

I've been thinking long and hard about this Celebrity Rock Star Blogger thing. Just what constitutes "good enough" to hit the stratosphere in the Blogosphere? Why can certain bloggers post pictures of their shoes and end up with 120 comments when some bloggers pour their heart and soul into posts, and get little recognition or feedback? Most of those Rock Star Bloggers are really nice people. with just a few notable exceptions, mostly those who have bought into their own press.

I have come to the conclusion: it isn't that people are rude or cliquey, they are just full.

There is a concept that the older and busier we get, the harder it is to make friends and keep them. Women are mothers, wives, employees. We are consumers, voters and bill payers. We have little to no extra time. So when there is time, it is finite. Interactions are like strings, tied to the person. The person might tie a string around family or a close friend, who has a child the same age. More strings go around a career, volunteer work, school duties. Eventually, though the person might be willing, there are simply no more strings to be tied anywhere. They are all tied with other commitments.

I see the Internet as similar. Many, many bloggers have those they read regularly, are chummy with and interact with. There simply isn't a lot of time left over to discover blogs that were previously unknown to them. Even if those blogs are good. I am sure this is why there are so many experts out there willing to teach bloggers how to drive traffic to their sites. It isn't enough to be a good writer, you have to be willing to sell yourself as well. Content may be king, but his bastard son is promotion. I find this difficult.

As women, we are taught that if we just do a good job, keep our head down, someone will notice our hard work and reward us. When those "rules" are flouted, it feels like a betrayal. Women who do become good at promoting themselves are called bitches, money-hungry, and even pimps. Trying to go against this paradigm can be difficult; socialization is a tough taskmaster. For some, this comes easily. For most, it can be like pulling teeth. It can be very uncomfortable to be the one to stand up and publicly tout your work. And yet, sometimes that is exactly what is needed.

For me, I am solidly in the middle of the pack. I am not a Rock Star, but I'm not a newbie, either. There are bloggers who inspire me and I humbly say that I know I am an inspiration to others as well. There is always a struggle in trying to get new readers, especially readers that participate in the community you are trying to create. I get solid traffic, I think. I know friends lament not getting comments, or even readers. And honestly, I love and live for comments. After all, this blogging thing for me, is about connection.

I blog because I want to connect other parents who feel alone when it comes to autism. I blog because I want to educate, entertain and energize my audience and friends. (that's you) I write because I have to, if I want to breathe. But I blog because I want to make a difference. Readers help make that difference. It can be disheartening when there are a small number of comments on a post that holds a part of you. The most I have ever had was a bit over twenty, and that was because I was giving away Starbucks gift cards! But...I try not to get wrapped up in all of it.

This weekend at BlogHer, I learned a lot of things. But the thing I came away with? I am on the right track. I am doing it all the right way. I write from the heart, in a transparent way, not focused on stats or monetization. I simply want to share my experience, and to share in the community that bloggers have created. I love this blogging thing. And, true to the BlogHer theme, I am reaching, definitely... but I am not using my blog as a stepping stone. Yes, I want to write professionally, which is defined as actually getting paid. Stephen King said it best:

""If you wrote something for which someone sent you a check, if you cashed the check and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented."

I will just keep doing what I am doing, and where it leads is anyone's guess. I don't want notoriety, at all! I simply want a sense of community here. Oh, yeah and if some agent wants to hand me a butt-load of money to advance my book, so much the better. Recently, I started using the term, "writer." I have always wanted to be a writer, but never considered myself good enough. Now, I have decided to own it. You have to tell yourself the story you want to hear.

How about you? How do you feel about comments? How do you encourage readers to participate?

T, who is a writer, dammit

Technorati: BlogHer08, BlogHer, blogosphere, blogging, writing, writer

The One About the Wild Party

More pics...this time of the People's [sic] Party. This is the 2nd post, if you haven't seen it, scroll down and read the first one underneath. By the time we got to the People's Party, the booze was gone. We skated to the Newbie Mixer, no booze there, either. I had to cave and buy an $8.00 beer. And they had NO black beer, no Guinness, no Bass...drank Heineken. Not my first choice. Checked out the mens' restroom where the very drunk Bloggess was holding court with some random guys from Yahoo and @lauralovesart. (that sounds nasty, but I swear that there was just talk) Oh yes, and got licked by Mrs. Flinger.

Ended up in the bar with CalifMom, Laura and her "entourage" as she called her, name was actually Angela.

We watched the Bloggess get really drunk (or rather, remain so) were hit on by two very inebriated Spanish men who wanted to talk about sex, and had Denney's at 3 in the morning, which made me sick the next day. I missed the opening, and my first session praying to the porcelain god. And the sad thing? I didn't even drink enough to get sick, so I didn't even have the pleasure of the buzz before I got sick. Managed to get up around noon, after heaving my guts numerous times. Felt waaay too much like my college days. Do NOT, under pain of death, eat at the Denney's on Mission in San Francisco. Took an HOUR for the server to take our order, then it makes me sick. Nice job, Denneys.

Yes, that is me with the Bloggess, her royal Jennyness. She is not nearly as funny in real life. She's funnier! And cute as a button. can I describe THE Bloggess as "cute as a button?" Hanging with @lauralovesart and @GeekMommy (not pictured @califmom)... serious friends for life me with Backpacking Dad...he's awesome, brought Mommy Wants Vodka, Aunt Becky to party in form of bottle of Grey Goose. What a guy. Everyone was toasting to Aunt Becky, sorry she couldn't be here.

Will post more tomorrow. Wish you were here!

T, who will sell a kidney to come back to Blogher again

Technorati: Blogher08, blogher, People's_Party, Bloggess, parties, drunk