Send Chocolate: funny stuff

Showing posts with label funny stuff. Show all posts

Thursday, August 18, 2011

What Not to Do With Your Underwear

I walked into my hotel room and stopped short. The maid had been there.. The wastebasket had been emptied, the sink was wiped down and the beds had been made. Housekeeping had made another discovery, as well. How embarrassing. My turquoise boy-cut Hanes underwear were on top of my pillow, staring at me.

I was in town for the womens' blogging convention, Blogher. Leaving my hotel room bright and early, I was rushing to get to breakfast and then my next session. That's how Blogher is..there is always somewhere to be, and always five minutes ago. Or maybe that's just me.

I have a terrible habit of leaving my underwear under my pillow at home. My giant dog, who can put her head upon my higher-than-normal bed, has a tendency to steal underwear that are left at the foot of the bed at night. After a few mornings of waking up to find my unmentionables had become a snack, I took aversive action. Into the hamper with those skivvies. She found them there, too. Yum yum. Munch, munch, munch, she said. That's when my underwear ended up under my pillow when I sleep.

So here I was, at the Marriott, 5-star resort, and the housekeeper thinks I am

1) a pig.
OR
2) so drunk I either
A) forgot where I put my underwear
B) got lucky and was so carried away I didn't think about where my underwear were

Unfortunately, the truth is a lot more boring. I didn't get drunk. I certainly didn't have sex with anyone. I simply went on auto-pilot without thinking. It's like when you drive the kids to school everyday and then forget that it's a weekend and you are going to the grocery store and you drive there only you end up halfway to school? Again, just me?

It seems silly, I won't ever see the housekeeping staff again. But I realize...I am so boring. I can't help wishing I had at least had sexier, more interesting underwear. Something hot pink, lacy, racy and thongy? I have those, I just didn't wear them. When you get to be my age, sometimes comfort wins over sex appeal. And since I knew no one would be seeing my underwear but me, I didn't really worry about it. (What comes to mind is the age-old momism, "Did you put on clean underwear? What if you get in an accident??") Instead, the maid not only saw my underwear, she had to touch them.

When I left the hotel room, I cleaned up after myself, picking up trash, making my bed, rinsing out the sink. I checked under the pillow twice. And I left a big tip.

My check-in tip on foursquare: "Check under your pillow so you find your underwear before the maid does," Social media for the win. Don't say you haven't been warned.

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

College Room and Board will be cheaper than I thought

This exchange took place in the car on the way home today:

JBean: Yay! When JBug goes off to college, can I redecorate the room just for me, all to myself?

JBug: No! I will be living at home, forever, in the basement.

Me:
[to JBean:] JBug isn't going off to college, she is living at home for a while while she is IN college. Don't sell her off just yet...you two will still be sharing a room.

[to JBug;] You can't live in the basement; we don't have a basement. Besides, we have Basement Cats...there would be no room in the basement.

JBug: JBear will be living in the basement. Playing first-person shooter video games.

Me: Probably. You can live in the ceiling. We don't have a Ceiling Cat.

JBug: ...

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Happy Hannukah from Adam Sandler (and me)

I am not Jewish, but this song has been stuck, like an earworm, in my head for a week now. Now it's stuck in your head, too. You're welcome.

Adam Sandler - The Hannukah Song (Pt. 1)

Chanukah Song Pt. 2

this is an awful video intro, so go past the first 30 seconds or so...I couldn't find another copy of it

Chanukah Song Pt 3.

Because 2 just wasn't enough

T, who hates gin and tonic-a

Monday, September 07, 2009

Is Your Mama a Llama? Ask iPhoto

Image via CrunchBase

Dear Apple,

While you know I love you and love being in the middle of this torrid affair, I have a bone to pick with you. My husband, JNerd spent the day on Saturday setting me up on the latest Apple OS, Snow Leopard. Even the name is freakin' cool, I know, right? Compared to "Vista" I mean, come on? Which is sexier? Sleeker? Yeah, that's what I thought, too. It makes me a little bit hot. But. I am still miffed at you.

I have been waiting for some of the new features of Snow Leopard. It comes with updated versions of iLife, which is everything I use on a daily basis for my computer. Especially iPhoto. I love flickr and facebook integrated in my iPhoto, makes things easier. I especially was looking forward to the face recognition technology. The idea of not having to tag all of my photos was a pretty cool prospect. I know, it has a learning curve, and it has to learn my photos, but, I think it has a bit to go. It consistently missed my youngest daughter's face. But that's trainable, ok. But when it comes to my son? You have it ALL wrong. I present the following examples.

Here is a picture of JBear, with a llama.

Here is another picture of JBear, with a llama.

THIS is not, in fact a picture of JBear:

The name has been changed to protect the innocent, but you did, indeed, i.d. him as a llama. While it is true the child likes llamas, more than most people, he is in fact, a human being. His mama is NOT, nor has she ever been, a llama. It's like comparing streetcars to bicycles. Please make a note of it.

T, who still loves you

Friday, June 12, 2009

Why not Vegas for a wedding? Cheez!

When I think of June, I think of June weddings. Blushing brides, fainting grooms, candid pictures and tacky wedding cakes. I liked these and wanted to share. Not that I would ever want a big wedding... almost 20 years ago, JNerd and I married in front of my parents, a minister and the two standing up for us. It was enough. We always said we would "do it right" but really? We are married. It's enough. Still...

This couple had a "proper" Vegas wedding. All guests dressed the part and the couple even got married in character. Every time I watch this it makes me laugh.

And this next one, I can't embed, but trust me, you want to see it. It's the best wedding toast, EVAR. Seriously, after this? Nothing else will compare.

Also, I found this great blog full of really tacky wedding stuff, you probably owe it to yourself to visit, if you like to laugh.

Tacky Weddings

So now that you can see what is out there, make sure you pass it on to your friends who are getting married. I would LOVE to get married as Vegas strip aficionados. How fun!

T, who is easily entertained

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

When The Zombies Show Up With Boatloads of Cash...I'll Be Waiting

Having kids is not for the faint of heart. In fact, it can be downright surreal. Most of the time, it feels like your very own Truman Show. This was a movie, starring Jim Carrey, where the entire world watched his life unfold, because he was secretly being filmed as reality tv. Only, he didn't know. He was utterly clueless.

I am anything but clueless. I know my value. And I can't shake the feeling that someone, somewhere is getting a show. (and I want my royalties) I mean, this can't all be for my benefit right? There must be some point to it, otherwise, man, it's just really wasted entertainment.

I keep looking for the hidden camera, but I haven't found it yet. Someone has done a bang-up job at hiding it. Still, if the camera is in my bedroom, let me take the time to apologize now. When I change into my pajamas, pretty sure there won't be any titilation there. (sorry to disappoint, no glamour, just turquoise and white plaid flannel bottoms). I would like to say I float around in a flimsy peignoir set, but that ain't me. I don't even own a peignoir set, I read about it in a Jane Austen book, I think. If you are looking for smut, may I suggest corn? No, not porn, corn.

Still, back to the camera, and why I think it's there. Humor is present in my house. It's the way I survive, as you know. And I'm just certain some of the off-the-wall exchanges that occur in my house are making some Hollywood writer rich. I wish him ~~death for stealing my material~~ luck, because they sure aren't making me rich. Yet...

(After my son overhearing my activity in the bathroom, and commenting, loudly about it)

Me: Everybody makes bathroom noises, otherwise you're a robot.

JBug: Or you're a vampire.

JBear: I HATE THE CULLENS!

JBean: I poop, I make bathroom noises.

Me: I don't think we really need to talk about pooping. We'll be eating lunch soon...not very good for my appetite.

[silence. then:] JBean: I'm not a robot. Tacos make me poop. Are we having tacos?

JBear: You could be a zombie. Zombies poop.

JBug: Zombies don't either! That's ridiculous. They're dead. Dead things don't go to the bathroom.

JBean: And quesadillas. Quesadillas make me poop. Are we having quesadillas?

JBug: This family is so weird.

JBean: Chicken makes me poop sometimes. Are we having chicken?

Me: [trying to find the nearest hard surface on which to bang my head...]

So who's gonna play me? She has to be sexy in a non-threatening MILF kinda way. It had better be someone cool, because? Really. Really? I am thinking Tina Fey.

T, who lives in a sitcom

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Forget Botox, Autism Keeps Me Young

When I try to explain what autism is like, 70% of the time, I come up with, "Like your life, only a little bit louder." meaning, like in Spinal Tap, the amp went to 11, which was one more than 10.

My kids are just...more. And that probably makes me sound like some sort of egotistical "beep." as my 7 yr old daughter says, meaning, "bitch." (yes, my 10 yr old son taught her that...wasn't that kind of him?) She only says, "beep," though, for censoring. But I don't mean it that way. Here's the deal: Somehow, my kids are more than others' kids. But I truly don't know how else to explain it. I am not competitive, I don't want to be the worst or the best. But they really are... They are harder, more challenging, more colorful, more off-the-wall and more frustrating than neurotypical kids, I believe. They make me cry, want to pull out my hair, crawl into a hole. And that's often just the first two hours of the day.

But you know what? I wouldn't trade them. They are funny, they make me laugh in great big guffawing waves. They surprise me daily. And...I am never bored...they keep me young.

Don't believe me?

Who else do you know that:

talks for stuffed animals regularly, including for my son's stuffed raccoon, every night before bed. Of course, each animal has a different voice.
Regularly makes up silly walks and quotes Python
enjoys taking goofy pictures more than the real portraits

has a karaoke machine in her house, and uses it
makes faces as a general rule (still hoping one day it really will "stick like that")
bursts into song and/or dance at inopportune times. Haven't I told you, I am the star of my very own musical!
makes terrible, terrible puns
quotes movies often, depending upon the circumstances
makes fart jokes, complete with noises
races shopping carts
sings LOUDLY, some random bit of song
comes up with nonsense words..we have an entire vocabulary of spendomous marattels.
can burp louder than anyone
beeps noses, tickles tummies, wet willies
gleefully embarrasses my teenager (oh wait, most parents do that, never mind)
makes submarine noises while driving

Why? I like to make my children laugh. Laughing keeps things less stressful, so in a sense, I guess it is a defense mechanism. It is also a whole lot of fun. And really, isn't life too short to take seriously, all the time?

T, who figures we only get one chance, why waste it moping or lamenting what it might have been

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

April Fool's Day & Get Me Some Earplugs, STAT

scroll to the bottom for list of April Fool's Day pranks online...after you read the post, of course...

Just in time for April Fool's Day..my little daughter decided to come out of hiding.

JBean has a new past time. For hours, she will take pictures and make videos with Photo Booth on the Mac. Today, I managed to upload a couple of them to YouTube for your ~~torment~~ enjoyment. Now that I know what I am doing technically, be ready for more videos.

If you think this is bad, keep in mind I listened to this for 3 hours. She was having so much fun, I didn't have the heart to stop her.

Still here? Ok, then, try this one. Something about bunnies, kangaroos and bears that eat people. And spiders. There's spiders in there, too.

T, who figures maybe she will learn something about tech by playing

Throughout the day, I will be updating the April Fool's Day goofiness I find on the web. If you come across stuff I haven't updated, put it in comments w/ link and I will add it.

Guardian To Ceasee Publication and Switch To Twitter
Identi.ca Aquires Twitter
Google Introduces CADIE
Think Geek, Unicorn Chaser, Squeez Bacon, Tauntaun Sleeping Bag, Buzzword Wristband
smellr (like flickr, but for your nose
Kodak's New Camera
Boards.ie Aquired By Facebook
Qualcomm Convergence goofiness
Introducing Opera Browser Face Gestures
YouTube Rolls Out New Layout
Gmail Goes Auto-Reply
Google Chrome in 3D
Warner Bros. Aquires Pirate Bay
Hotel.com Announces Rooms On the Moon
IE To Offer Mozilla-Based Plug-Ins
Internet Reboot Today
Expedia Books Flights To Mars
Add Some Shine To Your Website
reddit Changes Its Layout
Woot, pay $3, a million dollars shipping
Facebook To Acquire Twitter, All Traffic Will Go Through Facebook
Flying Scotsman to Get Makeover
Firefox Changes Add Ons to Change-Arounds
Text N Walk app Released
Wikipedia Gets Into the Spirit
Some Curious Science Discoveries At NewScientist
World's First Flying Hotel
Turtle Wax Moves to Free-Range Turtles
An oldie, but a favorite, about penguins

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Sunday Silliness..because life is too short not to laugh

(what, you were expecting inspiration??)

On second thought, let's not do this...it's too silly...

From Slashdot:

Bomb disposal teams were called in and a nearby pub evacuated after water company engineers mistook a Monty Python film prop for a hand grenade. After nearly an hour of examination by bomb experts,they deemed it was safe. After close examination, they declared that the grenade was actually a copy of the "Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch" used in the film Monty Python And The Holy Grail. A police spokeswoman confirmed that the device was a toy and that it had been no danger to the public.
I can't make this crap up, you guys. Life imitating..a Monty Python sketch:

ARTHUR: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him! Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!
MONKS: [chanting] Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. ARTHUR: How does it, um-- how does it work?
LANCELOT: I know not, my liege.
ARTHUR: Consult the Book of Armaments!
BROTHER MAYNARD: Armaments, Chapter Two, verses Nine to Twenty-one.
SECOND BROTHER: And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying,'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
MAYNARD: Skip a bit, Brother.
SECOND BROTHER: And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'
MAYNARD: Amen.

T, who has a soft-spot for goofy British humor

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

♫This Dude's Got a Cat On His Head♬♪

How could this be comfortable for either of them??

sung to the tune of Laurie Berkner...

T, who believes cats walk all over us, but that's ridiculous

Sunday, February 22, 2009

It All Started With a Big Bang

Lately, we have been watching Big Bang Theory from Netflix. I double-heart this show! I knew when the theme song was by the Barenaked Ladies that it was going to be irreverent, and it didn't disappoint. Big Bang Theory is about two theoretical physicists that are roommates, the hot chick who moves in across the hall, and how they and their friends relate to her. All of the scientists seem to be on the Spectrum, extremely high-functioning. It really shows them positively. I swear, I knew those guys in college! (I like to think I was the hot chick and not the geeky scientist-chick, but who am I kidding?)

From the moment they talked about playing Klingon Boggle, I was hooked. This is a funny, funny show. At one point, Leonard is getting lucky and Sheldon has no idea how to deal with the tie on the door...something he has never seen before. But here are a few quotes to whet your appetite:

"Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale."

"At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again."

"There wouldn't be any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked."

Suffice it to say, I woke my daughter up I was laughing so hard. I am pretty sure it is on Mondays at 8 p.m. on CBS...but we started with Disc 1 of Season 1...gotta love Netflix! Just one thing, it might not be suitable for your kids (though I did let JBug, at almost 15, watch it...I previewed first) so use your best judgment.

(Apparently last night the cats loved it too, because they turned on the home theatre system at full blast last night and woke everyone but me. I guess I am a pretty sound sleeper, once I actually get to bed).

T,who asks which were you, the geek or the hot chick?

Friday, November 14, 2008

And I Thought She Liked Pumpkin Pie

How to insult your brother like a 7 yr old...

First, fold your arms and get all superior-like. Then, stick out your lip and glare. Finally, choose one, to complete:

You smell like...

dirty apricots
moldy cheese
rotten eggs
dirty underwear

Move in for the kill:

You smell like...

rotten dirty apricots, cheese wrapped in pumpkin pie
dirty cheese apricot pie and cheese

(well, the spam, spam, spam, baked beans and spam doesn't 'ave much spam innit..")

I tried to correct her, but I was biting back the laughter so hard, it was difficult to sound sincere.

T, who can't make this stuff UP

Monday, September 29, 2008

Let Me Save You Some Time

Sometimes problems you never even thought of can occur through a global society. Saturday night, I was on twitter and someone posted that Daylight Savings Time starts in the wee hours. It's on twitter, must be true, right? So without even really thinking about it, I took it as gospel. Yes, I ~~am stupid~~ don't think sometimes.

Though I hate DST, I do like that extra hour of sleep available in the fall, when we turn the clocks back an hour. I do know Congress passed a law to extend Daylight Savings Time, I figured it was now. We attend church, so that hour is welcome. I let JBug stay up to watch Saturday Night Live, and the Palin sketch, thinking she would be able to make up that hour.

Maybe I Need More Sleep

Sitting here at midnight, I realize, I haven't seen anyone else mention a time change. Now, sometimes I miss important events in the news, so I figured that was the case. I hit Google News, and there is no mention. So I do a web search and find a site for the Navy. Turns out, Daylight Savings Time changes Nov 2! Ack! So...I sent my daughter to bed, realizing she was going to be tired. And I felt really stupid.

More searching uncovered that the tweet must have originated from NEW ZEALAND. Because they did indeed start DST on Saturday night. And now? I am embarrassed to be such a follower.

But at least I didn't show up late for church and have to explain why!

>What weirdness have you learned on twitter or the Net? Did you fall for it, or did it mess you up?

T, who, aw, I got nothin'

Technorati: stupidity, twitter, DaylightSavingsTime

Friday, September 26, 2008

Why Do They Call it Homeschooling When I am NEVER at Home?

click to embiggen

Friday Fun

Today is all about Homeschooling.

This showed up in my email this morning, and inspired me

A Homeschool Family

And this is NOT what it is... (NSFK, just a couple words here and there, but I had to include it anyway)

Q:How Does a Homeschool Mom change a light bulb?

First, mom checks three books on electricity out of the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life.
Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles.
Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five dollar bill.
On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five dollar bill.
Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed.
And there is light.

T, who says sometimes you laugh to keep from crying

Technorati: homeschool, home_educator, humor

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Just Horsin' Around

I was watching the equestrian events in the Olympics today. (DVR, remember?) and Team Canada had a rider who named her her horse "Special Ed." I imagine she thought she was pretty clever. Poor horse! But really? If the horse takes you to the Olympics, I would say he is pretty special...

So I posted to twitter, as I am wont to do, and a friend sent this link. Thought it was good enough to share with you. Horse names can be so weird.

T, who must be a 12 yr old boy at heart

Technorati: video, humor, funny

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Finally Olympic Events I Could WIN

Last night, I was watching the Olympics, featuring the 26 mile womens' marathon race. Yeah? so what? I am behind a bit...I have it DVR'd. I have other stuff to do. Blogs don't write themselves, you know! Plus, I have children to put to bed. Amazing how cranky they get if they are ignored. Do not ask me how I know this.

So I am sitting on the couch, watching these women run this race for the gold. One woman drops out, early on. I feel for her, but really, she was the smart one. I get that the winner gets untold riches, and can have her face featured on a box of Wheaties. Still not enough incentive for me. I have made laziness an art form. I mean, if you compare my fitness with that of Olympic athletes.

Now, I need to tell you, there are only two reasons that I would run 26 miles. The first is if a bear was after my ass. And then? I am pretty sure that I would just fall down, play dead and hope it was fooled. The second reason? If my ass was on FIRE. And somehow, I forgot to stop, drop and roll. Only, no one forgets that because it is drilled into us at what? Birth? So, pretty much the chances of me running a marathon are slim to none.

I hated running when I was a kid. You have to be some kind of sadistic monster to be a high school P.E. teacher, that's all I am going to say. Mine preyed on the weakest of us, making me and my fellow losers run extra laps for not being fast enough. It was bad that I couldn't run worth crap, so let's make it worse (and in turn, make me an object of teasing) by making me run more So, as I have gotten older, though I do some exercising yes, more than lifting the margarita glass to my lips, smart ass! I also do yoga... BUT. the chances of me running for the border, the bus or my life are pretty nil.

I am watching the race and early on, one woman pulls away from the pack. The question was always will she fall apart? Will she stand firm? Turns out, she is THIRTY-EIGHT years old. And she runs in front, all the way, and wins the fricking gold medal. The oldest woman Olympian to ever win gold. Woohoo! My couch-potato self could appreciate it, and was even in awe of it.

But? It is so far out of the realm of reality for me, I cannot even imagine. Truly. I am not 38. I would tell you my age and if you are a regular reader you already know anyhow but my mother always said that a lady doesn't give away her age. Ok, so I never claimed to be a lady but still. I will tell you..I can now shop at Forever 21 twice as much. if I wanted to, I mean.

And then, there's that American woman who is 41 and in contention for a gold medal in swimming. She may have already won it, as I said, I am behind. So, I started thinking, what events could I win? I mean, that don't require a ton of training and well, exertion! I came up with my own events.

Coffee Crawl if you don't believe this is an event, you've never seen me in the morning!
Eyerolling I am the CHAMPION. My 14 year old learned from the best, and is competing for the medal too. (dammit)
Channel Surfing (this includes operation of the DVR fast forward 2x, 4x and goooo 300x!)

Kitty Litter (or food) Pass Off whose turn was it to clean the box or feed the cats? Not mine, I just did it! Wide-eyed innocence a plus in this one!
Shoe-Finding Relay I kick ass at this! I can find a matching shoe before you even know it is missing
Dishwasher Speed-Loading I hate loading the dishwasher. I hate dirty dishes. Therefore, I can load the dishes faster than you can get a reluctant teenage girl to even think about loading it!
Phone Screening if you call and are identified as the Wonderful Disembodied Voice in my phone that says, "Call from Private Caller" know that I won't answer. If I don't recognize the number, I don't pick the phone up. YAY, techology!
Spider/Bug Jump Want to see a high jump? Just put a creepy crawly in my path. I will jump on to that chair so fast, your head will spin!
The 'Don't Make Me Pull Over This Car' Traffic Dodge Because not just anyone can spin from the Car Pool lane to the nearest exit in 100 ft. to keep a child from killing another one

Procrastination of Important Things You name it, I can put it off. I am very good at this. This is closely related to:
Fear of Epic Failure In my twisted way, I find that the longer I can put something off, the less chance I have of failing
Stupid List Creating in the Guise of a Creative Blog Post FTW!

There you have it...my Olympic events. They would take a bit of creativity, but not a ton of effort. And I am talented in many of them. In fact, I am pretty sure I could medal in them, and maybe even establish a World Record!

Now, what are your events? How would you place?

T, who is CHAMPION of the mundane arts

Technorati: Olympics, family life, humor

Saturday, August 09, 2008

What the Hell's Wrong With Me?

My bathroom buddy Jenny, the funniest blogger I know, wrote a post over on her blog about her neuroses. She asked about others' neuroses and I realized I had the makings of a post, right there! So, here, without further ado, are my foibles and OCD-tendencies. Please refrain from laughing until you leave. yes, this means you, stop laughing, I might cry.

So here, for your amusement, I present, in no particular order:

I will only use a thin-bowled spoon. If the only clean spoon is a thick-bowled spoon, I will wash a thin-bowled spoon rather than use the spoon in the drawer.
If I go into a bathroom, and the mirror faces the door, I close my eyes until I get the light on. I never go into a dark room with a mirror without having a light on. Too much Bloody Mary, as a kid, I guess.

I am a nightowl. I can go to bed at just about anytime, but I play a game with myself. No matter what time I go to bed, I don't look at the clock. I put a cloth over it, and tell myself it is midnight. It works. I have been doing this for years.
I don't touch public bathrooms. I flush with my foot, then wash and use the towel to open the door. I am not a germophobe anywhere else
I hate drinking water. I will pretty much only drink Arrowhead water. Or, water that comes out of my fridge filter, with lemon and ice. I have tried to make myself drink different bottled water, but I can't. I can absolutely taste the difference.
I always eat the cake, then the frosting. I am very careful about this. I feel guilty if I eat the frosting first.
I hold my breath during orgasm. I heard somewhere that it made it better, and now I don't know how to stop, so I keep doing it
I am beyond terrified of cockroaches. I shudder just looking at the word. My reaction is pure fear.
I never read the end of a book until I get to it naturally. I have never gone to the end to see if I want to buy the book. Makes me crazy to watch other people do it.
I am very sensitive to sounds, like styrofoam squeaking, fork scraping or wind chimes. They set my teeth on edge.
I think the most evil invention is the gas-powered blower. Loud, obnoxious, and blows the debris somewhere else. The epitome of life in the United States: make it someone else's problem. If a gardener uses one around me, I make him stop
I have to wash my hair twice. Just like the shampoo says. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Even if I am washing in the middle of camping, I still have to wash my hair twice. It's a thing.

I eat all of the ice cream and save the hot fudge, so I can have a bite of just hot fudge at the end
I hate socks. I mean really hate them. I wear them about twice a year, when it is so cold my toes are blue
I check the door, every night, twice before I go to bed. Even if I know that I locked it earlier

So there you have, it those are the things that make me weirder than you are. Think I am wrong? Leave your weirdness in the comments, and we'll compare notes.

What weird things do you do? Don't worry,it will just be between us

T, who is more screwed up than I thought

Technorati: neuroses, weird, psychology

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Quick Clean Up! Mom's Coming Home!

Hurry up you guys! T's on her way home RIGHT NOW! We better spruce up the place. Get those kegs out of here, and those soggy pizza boxes. Someone get that lamp glued back together STAT!

I was supposed to do a better job of keeping up the place this week while T was gone, but of course I managed to let the fish die, the lawn go brown and I'm not certain but I think that someone stole the birdbath out of the garden too. She is going to ground me. I just know it. I totally deserve it too.

Anyone think that she can be bribed with decaf mint mocha chip frappuccinos from Starbucks?

I'm Mrs. Tantrum, T asked me to help keep an eye on the place while she is at something called camp. I am worried about her as camp is a scary place from what I hear. I am also worried because she asked me to post for her. I mean she is on ALL TOP, and I am just ALL MEDIOCRE...has she lost her mind? I don't know, if you aren't certain, and aren't easily offended by a fierce potty mouth head over to my regular house Momma's Tantrum to see what I usually am up to.

Mrs. T, who should not be left in charge of anything.

Technorati: EDIT_ME1, EDIT_ME2, EDIT_ME3

Monday, June 23, 2008

Finally, A Way to Get the Guys In Line! NSFK

I don't usually run things that aren't PG, but I couldn't pass this up. I know it is an oldie, but I love it. If you are a gamer, married to a gamer, or just know about gaming culture, you will love this. And even if you aren't, (we call that a N00b) it is still very amusing.

T, who IS a Level 70 and don't forget it

Technorati: video, marriage, gamer