On Car Bingo, Marriage and Penguins

With Valentine's Day behind us, I've had time to reflect a little on my relationship with my husband. What keeps two people still so much in love after twenty years? I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I know what is working for us. Of course, we are a work in progress, but so far, so good! A key component to our relationship? Humor. NEVER never never take yourself too seriously.

I have a prime example of our relationship. When we were in New Zealand, we invented a brand new travel game to pass the time. Though the South Island is beyond beautiful, there isn't a lot to see to keep your brain busy, so some creativity is in order.

JNerd and I invented New Zealand Car Bingo. The rules are simple. There are five items in this game, short and sweet. Simply call out the item, and see who's first. Because you'll see one of the five at least every few miles, it passes the time. See who can spot it first. Then laugh. A lot. A variation is to call out the items in a dead-pan voice, a la Monty Python. Laughter is still required, however.

Cow

Sheep

Tractor

Old Church

Statue/War Memorial

Honorable mention goes to the obligatory statue of Queen Victoria in every major city that we visited. Either in the botanic gardens, or in the middle of a park...there she was, towering over everyone. Victorian era, indeed.

No matter where we went, these items were ever-present. It livened up the drive (which was beyond gorgeous anyway) and allowed JNerd and I to loosen up and enjoy playing together. It's amazing to me how much we had forgotten how to play. But it is like riding a bicycle...it comes back. Over the two weeks we were together, we rediscovered how much we like each other, and how much fun we have together. I wish we had more opportunities, but I know that we will both make more of an effort to just loosen up and have fun. Because it made us young, and silly.

One of my very favorite animals is the penguin. They are awkward little guys. Slow and clumsy-looking on land, but lithe and amazing in the water. As if that's not enough, most species mate for life. I just love the romanticism season after season of the same female pairing up with the same male to make more babies. (I don't want any more babies, but I can appreciate that they might). There is something endearing about finding one another over and over again. Sounds like marriage. I wonder if penguins laugh, too?

I remembered (and I hope he did, too) "Hey, I like you, you're a blast to hang out with!" And isn't that why we married in the first place?

T, who shares my cookies and my recess (and even my chocolate) with him

all pictures taken by me except Cow (have you ever tried to take a picture of a cow, from a moving vehicle?) Cow picture by FelixLaCat used under a cc license Share-Alike 2.0

Why I am not mentally home yet from New Zealand

taken with Canon T1i

T, who is gradually coming back, at least the routine is normal again

Aftermath

My suitcase is heavy. It sits, crouched in my room, next to the closet. I haven't had the nerve to unpack it yet. It looms, pregnant with unrealized dreams, frustrations and what could have been. I try to ignore it. I don't do a very good job. Every time I walk into the room, there it is.

Sixteen days. Seems like a lifetime ago. That's when I kissed plump cheeks goodbye, squeezed sticky hands with admonishments to "be good", and climbed into my father-in-law's car to drive to the airport with my husband. I had high hopes, but didn't really know what to expect. We hadn't been away together for any length of time since the children were born. We were ready.

And it was wonderful. Awesome, even. We drove down the coast of New Zealand, stopping wherever our hearts lead us. We had no agenda, and no qualms about enjoying the company of one another. Memories were made that will last a lifetime. That's the problem.

I had to come home. And I can't see home the same anymore. I have never allowed myself to consider what life would have been like without my children. It is what it is, is my motto, why push it? But for sixteen glorious days, I was not a mother. I was just…me. With him. And it was wonderful. My heart was full. No tethering to others' needs or whims. I was free. It couldn't last, and it didn't.

I had thirteen hours en route to LAX to forget that bliss; to morph back into a mother who puts her children first again. But those shoes aren't fitting very well. I am aware that makes me an awful, selfish person. And it is why my suitcase is heavy. It is a constant reminder of what I had. And unpacking it means I will ferret it away into a closet, forgetting what it was like to live from it for weeks. Unpacking would be putting to rest the adventurer and the free spirit I was two weeks ago. And I am just not ready to do that.

And the guilt? The guilt is palpable. I can taste it on my tongue, metallic and bitter, like I need to brush my teeth. I want to be that mother again, but I don't know how. I almost wish I had never gone, because now? Now I am back. And I know what I am missing, every minute, of every day.

My suitcase is heavy, but not as heavy as my heart.

T, who hopes I will get over this

Islands in the stream..er sea

Day 4 here in Wellington dawned overcast, but it quickly grew warmer as the sun came out. A short walk along the waterfront and we were at our destination: The City and Sea Museum. Ten years old, this museum boasts an extensive history of Wellington life and commerce. I know, sounds boring. But it was actually a really neat little museum.

Here is a hobbit foot. You're welcome.

My favorite was their Alice-in-Wonderlandish tribute for their anniversary. It was very Jules Verne/steampunk and a really clever medium to deliver information.

After the museum, we boarded the ferry and headed for Somes Island. We ate lunch on board, catered fish & chips. The chips were very good: thick-sliced and hot. The fish was nice, as well. The ferry trip took about 15 minutes across gloriously blue waters that were relatively calm.

Somes Island is a wildlife sanctuary free of predators. Once we disembarked the ferry, we were lead into a small room with two doors. We were asked to check our bags for rodents or ants, as well as our shoes for dirt. Non-native pests could be devastating for the environment at Somes, so we all understood.

The walkabout on Somes was a fairly gentle slope winding around the perimeter of the island. It was a trek, but not as bad as the day before. It was, however, hot, and bit uncomfortable because of it. We didn't notice that much because we were distracted by the beautiful views and the birds.

Once we arrived back to the dock, we found we had over an hour before our ferry was due to come back. So I kept myself busy taking pictures of the birds on the beach.

Back on the mainland, plans for the evening were a bit sparse. JNerd had a function and I elected to stay in for the night. A can of chili, a candy bar and my computer, and I was set. I really just needed a night to recharge. I truly believe I am just a homebody at heart.

T, who is having a wonderful time

The one where we go uphill...both ways!

Day 3 here in Wellington, New Zealand dawned warm and sunny. Just the kind of glorious day that makes you glad to be alive. The tour started out with a walk along the water front. We had a tour of the capital building, called the Beehive. See if you can figure out why!

We had to go through security, and check all of our bags. There was no photographing of the building, so I missed out on some nice shots. Kiwis are very proud of their heritage. And symbolism is very high on their list of priorities. The artwork in the gallery area of the courtyard is fraught with meaning: the earth, the sky, the night, it all has a deeper point. It was interesting.

Afterwards, we set out for a walking tour of the Thorndon area, where there are some quaint cottages. We started out touring a beautiful old church, and I didn't want to leave. It was spectacular.

We walked to the Botanic Gardens (uphill, thank you very much!) and stopped for lunch. Then there was time for a wander as we hiked up more steep hills to to get to the top and take the cable car back down to the city. What's wrong with this picture, you ask? Shouldn't we have taken the cable car UP and then walked back DOWN hill, you ask? And, you would be right to question it. I don't make the rules though, so though it killed a lot of us, we just toughed it out.

Here you can see just how high we were. YES, we had to walk the entire hill to get there. Flat ground, to mountain slope, complete with switchbacks. I now know why people in Wellington are so fit! They are masochists!

Back in town, the geeks cooked dinner at the hotel and we were in for the night. I was really too tired after my hike to go much of anywhere!

T, who figures I'll be a size 2 by the time I go home