Thursday, July 26, 2012

I'm So Out of Practice That This Post Has No Title

They say the third time's the charm. I guess we'll find out. Because, after a bit over a year hiatus, I have decided to come back to blogging. When I stopped, I didn't think it would be forever, it would just be until I fixed some things. Well, I fixed those things, and more things needed fixing. And I was going to come back, only, I was happy. Really happy. And the idea of coming back? I was burnt out. I realized that the blog had created a harpy that pretty much capitalized on everything negative.

That's not who I am. So I decided to take a break. A crappy experience at my fourth BlogHer made the decision easy. I don't belong there any longer. And the fact that I wasn't missed and felt a bit sorry for myself made it easy to stay away. Friendships changed, and passed away, writing evolved and seasons changed. I am a different person from when I started. So if I came back to blogging, I had to decide, for whom did I want to write?

As my children grow, so does their need for privacy. The stories aren't mine to tell anymore; they belong to their owners.My children have a presence on the Internet, I have to be respectful of their boundaries as much as possible. This left me with a conundrum: what do I have left to say, if not about them? I have my own stories, it's true. I just had to find them again.

When I started this blog six years ago, we were deep in the throes of autism in our house. The Autism Monster had eaten my children and I first started blogging to make sense of it all. Times change. It wasn't the autism that was me. I have more patience, and I have more tolerance, I think. I missed writing, but I didn't miss who I was becoming through the blog scene. I needed some distance.

I started writing to write. I was never really comfortable with what this medium has become. I don't like selling my soul for products. I am not a shill. And maybe others can get free stuff and not be influenced in their reviews. I could not. Or at least, I was never sure if I could or not. So I decided to just...stop. I dropped all forms of social media for a long time. I stopped writing everywhere.

While I was gone, I thought hard about what I wanted this space to be. And I decided I am not just going to come here and complain. If I need to vent, I will find

a therapist.

I have been there, and done that, and she released me because she decided that under the circumstances, I was doing damn well. So. What I want this space to be is a dynamic, growing changing life record, of sorts. Many things have changed, as you will come to see, if you follow along. Two graduations, some braces, a joy found, a childhood lost...these are the stories. Would you like to follow along? Come back, grab a cup of tea, curl up with your cat, or a comfy pillow, and we'll begin. Again.

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