Disclaimer: I don't Really cage my children....
This exchange took place on twitter today...after mentally wrestling with my children again...in exasperation I posted the following:
@sendchocolate: Some days I ask myself why I do it, and don't say, run away to Costa Rica and categorize monkeys
@sendchocolate: I already categorize monkeys, but at least in Costa Rica I wouldn't have to TEACH them. Or clean up after them
I received this reply:
@missbanshee: @sendchocolate I'M sorry, WHAT? You CATEGORIZE MONKEYS? Helloooooo, best job EVER!
And I answered:
@sendchocolate: @missbanshee it's not all it's cracked up to be. They fling poo at me. A lot. And they are disrespectful. And don't do their schoolwork.
Well, after this little exchange and a withholding of the monkey chow I am happy to say, the monkeys straightened up and now are flying right. (flying monkeys??) They finished their schoolwork and actually listened and did what I asked. In return, I let them out of their cages. Of course, in the process of getting them to do what they are supposed to do without me blowing a gasket, I probably sounded like one of those screechy monkeys you hear when you go to the zoo...I hurt my own head. No, really. I did.
I get so tired of being the bad guy around here. Why do I have to ask someone 
multiple times to get them to do what I ask? Kills me. They finally do it, but in the meantime, I am thisfar from the intellectual equivalent of flinging poo. Between two with autism and a teenager? I want to know where I go to quit. It is so much faster just to do it my own self. But if I didn't, I have a boatload of excuses to choose from...the monkeys have taught me that.
Apparently:
*it's not my fault
* I didn't get it out
*It's not mine
* I cleaned it yesterday
* the garage is scary
* I want to play
*I forrrrrgotttt
*I finished it already
*It's not my turn
*I didn't see it
*I didn't know where it went
*you wanted me to do that, too?
*I didn't hear you
*I didn't know it was my responsibility
*I have other things to do
*I am not a slave
*what would you do if I wasn't here??
*it's not on my schedule
*nobody but you cares about that
*you worry too much
*you're making more work
None of these reasons flew. (not like the monkeys, anyway!) I guess it appeared I was serious, because I didn't have to repeat myself (or fetch my flying monkeys) that much in the afternoon, and things were actually done! of course, I cried at one point, in frustration..amazing what that does to childrens' attitudes. I would suggest you use it sparingly, however. Might lose its impact. I'll let you know the next time I use it.
T, who says see how much fun we have on twitter?
follow me on twitterthanks to @missbanshee for the conversation & blog fodder
6 sent chocolate:
That was just about the most fun I have had all day. Reading about flying monkeys, flinging poo, and excuses. I feel like a new woman after reading that. Keep up the good work!
My boys have the most selective hearing I have ever encountered in my natural life. In fact, it makes me question my sanity quite often, because after repeating instructions three or four times, and having them repeat what I said, they will STILL declare that I never said any such thing. And they back each other up..."No mom, you didn't tell him to bring in the recycle container...I would have heard you if you did." I've started to think that instead of them being the ones that have special needs, perhaps I am the one who has an undiagnosed case of schizophrenia, and that I am having these conversations with my imaginary children. That's how bad it is around our house...
I hear you! And you don't even have to scream at me. Unlike 12-year-old DD who can't hear me unless I'm on high volume.
So far, all I've got is the Withhold Card - no new shoes, she's wearing my sneakers, until her room is clean. It's still taking WEEKS!
When you find a better way, be sure to share. All the parenting manuals I have, SUCK!
You are truly a genius when it comes to writing. If you wrote a book, I would read it. I think your situation of frustration is probably the biggest drawback to homeschooling. That break..that time apart...is healthy for parents and kids. I assure you they get sick of us faster than we do of them! I think that is why Charter Schools are popular...kind of like homeschooling because they don't teach like traditional schools, but you don't have to be there all the time. Good luck. If anything your stress makes for damn funny posts!
I didn't see the famous excuse around here: " How come I have to do everything around here?" Oh... wait! That's what I say. Nevermind. (Actually I have heard my kids say that but I'm pretty sure it's something they learned from me.)
Very funny post! I love all of your graphics. How do you find them all?
My kids have never reacted so strongly as they did when I cried at the dentist last spring. Tooth brushing issues are mostly a thing of the past, thanks the the impact my tears and sadness made on them. If only I could channel that parental guilt on a daily basis...
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