Homeschooling is not what you do, it's how you live

As the school year winds down, I am reminded of an exchange I had recently with a colleague. We were discussing our blogs and our families, and school came up. “Oh, that’s right, you homeschool. When do you finish?”

That question took me by surprise, not because it was asked, but because I wasn’t sure how to answer it. I mentioned something about summer, and how we had activities planned, and changed the subject. I don’t think she even noticed. The truth is, I never “finish.”

You know that awkward review time that teachers have for the first couple of months after summer break? Where they can’t really teach anything new for fear the kids don’t remember what they were taught the year before? I don’t have that. I learned long ago that my kids don’t retain much over the summer if we take a 2 or 3 month break. So? We don’t break.

We scale back, maybe. Do less than we would normally, but we keep on keeping on. And my kids progress. Don’t get me wrong, we do all the fun things over the summer that you do. We go to the park. We go to the beach. We swim. We just do our school first. And sometimes, we even do it at those places. It keeps my kids in a routine, and when it comes to autism, routines are good.

If I gave my son a months’ long break? I would never get him back into schoolwork again. He is all about what he always does and a week of the same thing means it's a habit. He needs that structure. If I allowed my little one to take a break that long? We would lose much of the ground gained in her reading and math. She continues to see her speech and reading tutor throughout the summer. She also does vision therapy.

I suppose my oldest would be fine; but I have never had to push her academically. She pushes herself hard enough for the both of us. But she putters around and will finish her Psychology and get a jumpstart on her math for next year. I also expect she will pre-read some of the books for her government class next year to make it a bit easier.

How does year-round school work, you ask? Don’t the kids get burnt out? Not really. For once, we don’t worry about taking a break here and there. I take a break for almost a month around the holidays. (we always keep our foot in something, to keep up routine) and if we want to take off on an impromptu visit to the grandparents in another state for a week, we can. If we travel, we can throw in some area history, or a museum visit.

Here’s the thing: homeschooling isn’t just schooling at home. It’s a way of life. It’s a way of looking at life, to see what you can learn. Every experience can teach us something. My daughter learned to count at the grocery store. My son learned about life science through gardening. Is it more work to live this way? I don’t think so. I am actually one of the least-motivated people you will meet, to be honest.

I attend homeschool conventions and think, “When would I have time to do that? Formal planning doesn’t work really well here. At the beginning of the year, I do a master lesson plan for each child. We rarely finish it on the schedule I set. That’s not the point. The plan is the point. And we eventually do get done with those books, and those lessons and that plan. We just move on to the next plan. I am a learner. I am happiest when I am learning. I want my children to discover that joy of “Aha! I didn’t know that!” Showing them that learning is a way of life is how I do it.

The fear that I am facing

Let's just get this over with. I have been agonizing over it, panicking and just generally freaking the hell out to even admit this, but here I go. She can't read. There, I said it. Call Social Services now. She is 9 years old, on the autism spectrum, home schooled and she can't read.

Ok, she can read a little bit. Like C-V-C words. Three letters, four. Not difficult combinations. So what the heck do I do all day, right? Since my kid can't read? And I am responsible? And I sit on the Internet all day? Whoah. Let's back the truck up, Jack. I have been homeschooling my children for 6 years now, and I am good at it. My eldest daughter is amazing, and gifted. My son has great spatial relations and comes up with some of the most interesting questions. And then? There is my youngest daughter.

If you have been reading very long, you know she is a complex enigma. She is smart. There is no getting around that. When she sits to do school work, I have to pry her away from it. She works really hard. She also has amazing imaginary skills. I would say she often lives in her imaginary world. Most of the time it works. We don't forbid her from doing what she likes, like playing with Playmobil and small figures.

But, she can't read. I used to think it was me...I was doing something wrong. I teach her the same way I taught my son. And teaching him was a challenge, because not only is he on the autism spectrum, he is also dyslexic. I had to learn a completely different way to teach. But it has paid off, for the most part. I was doing computer programs with my youngest, sitting together to read, doing a multi-sensory tile-based phonics program, and she still was not progressing. And that's when she told me.

"Mama, when I read, the words and letters move all over the page." Aha! I had long suspected dyslexia, now I had some idea that was part of the problem. I took her to her speech teacher (What? you didn't know she took speech?) and told her the problem. I told her I was thinking of eye therapy, and that we were headed in for an evaluation. She agreed that was a good idea.

The eye evaluation simply confirmed what I already knew. Her eyes have a difficult time tracking together, and her depth perception is off. Luckily, this can be corrected. It isn't that she cannot read because she can't...she can't read because her eyes aren't working together.

She sees her eye therapist every week. She sees her speech teacher every week. And with luck, and a A LOT of hard work (we have 20 minutes of eye exercises every day) her eyes will improve. When that happens, she will be able to read. I hope. Of course, there is a nagging fear that she will never know what it is like to pick up a book with ease and while away the afternoon. That maybe, though we are all good readers in this house, she will continually struggle and never really take off. That fear makes me want to curl into a fetal position and never move. But you know that's just not the way I roll. I will make this latest hurdle my bitch, the way I always do. And you'd best believe that I (along with her speech/reading teacher) will make sure she catches up. You will be one of the first to know when that happens.

posted from my iPad

Symptoms of Dyslexia

I am bringing over my articles from Examiner, in the hopes that they may help or give you information you need or were not aware of. I start with dyslexia, because my son has it, and now we think my youngest may, as well. So it is a subject I know a bit about.

See if this sounds like your child:

He is very bright, but doesn't meet his potential. It takes him longer to do his homework then you think it should. His penmanship is messy, floating either above or below the line. His spelling is almost indecipherable, vowels are almost nonexistent. He is behind in reading and/or math, has had extra help and his academics just aren't improving.

If this sounds like your child, you might want to check out dyslexia.

Dyslexia is not recognized by many school districts, and chances are you will be told it is a "medical diagnosis" that the school isn't prepared to make. They may instead guide you to remediation for the individual areas in which your child is behind. This may work. But understand if dyslexia is the problem, it is not just merely an academic issue. It is a question of how your child's brain works to process information. Language is processed differently; Broca's area, responsible for speech production, and Wernike's area, responsible for understanding spoken language, have neurons connected differently. the Right Hemisphere of the brain is 10% larger. So there are actual physical differences with dyslexia. This can cause sequences, such as a reciting the alphabet, counting or rote memorization such as multiplication tables to be very difficult. It isn't the child, it's his brain.

Most parents are under the impression that a child with dyslexia will have trouble with spelling, and that's true. But there are so many more symptoms. The most common and publicized symptom is reversal of letters, but not for the reason most think. The child doesn''t see the word backwards. Due to their visual processing problem, that is often present with dyslexia, the child sees the word the right way, but writes or reads it wrong. Don't panic, if your child reverses letters early as they are learning to read and write. Many children do this. The concern would be if the reversals continue past the first couple of years.

Some other symptoms include:

• * oral language (stuttering)
• * articulation issues (trouble with L's, R's, M's and N's, S, sh, ch)
• * auditory processing in how many sounds held onto
• * significant auditory discrimination problems
• * phonemic awareness problems
• * reading difficulty (in processing language with his eyes)
• * writing difficulty (language with hands, penmanship)
• * trouble tying shoes
• * difficulty with left & right
• * difficulty sounding out new words
• * can read a word fine on a page, then turn the page and not recognize it

There is no hard and fast test for dyslexia. But if your child has some of these symptoms, you may want to pursue help from an educational psychologist. Or, you can treat the symptoms with some coping skills. I am working on a pst about the various interventions available for the treatment of dyslexia. Stay tuned!

For more information:

Overcoming Dyslexia
bright solutions

T, who says reversals and reading problems are the tip of the iceberg

photo copyright Tina Cruz

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The One where I get schooled...again

Image via Wikipedia

Homeschooling can be a lot of fun. What? Stop laughing, no really. I mean, the times I lie awake at night worried that my son can't do Algebra and my daughter can't read well enough are just a million laughs. The stress and responsibility I feel when it seems the kids cannot function academically, socially or behaviorally the way I believe they should, well, it makes me want to drink. And I am not talking about Tang or Milk here, either. Send Mama a martini!

Often, though, when I feel like I have reached my limit…when I think I am doing my children a great disservice by schooling them at home and that they would be better off in a public school setting, with all of its weaknesses and the lack of placement for higher-functioning autism/Asperger's? Well,the kids go and make cognitive leaps, seemingly overnight. Almost like they have to prove me wrong. They show me that it isn't that bad, and that it always gets better. Or, you drink. Something the kids didn't show me. And just an aside, I talk about drinking, but do very little of it. It doesn't make a very good coping mechanism, to be honest. Karate works better. And yoga. And screaming. In the car, with the windows up. By myself. I tried it once with the kids in the car, and they flipped out. Thought I grew two heads. Note to self: save the theatrics for alone time, mama!

In any case, I have been laboring over my daughter's lack of reading fluency. This week, JBean started to read. And she did it the way her brother did…which is what I kept telling myself, even as I second-guessed her progress. "She will get there, and it will seem almost overnight." This is my wakeup mantra when I want to close the book on the whole homeschool experiment. One morning she woke up, wanted to read with me. I obliged. One hundred pages of Dick & Jane later? She is finally a reader, in her own mind. I knew she could read, but she didn't want to call herself a reader, she thought she wasn't "good enough." Yes, she read all of those pages in one morning, and was still rarin' to go when I called No Joy and begged for a break. My ears were tired!

This morning,needing an audience for her newest parlor trick, she waylaid Poppy, our pup, to show her what she had learned. And, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words:

So. I will keep homeschooling my children, because I believe that it works best for our family. They will continue to do outside activities and lessons and we will treasure this time together. They will grow and mature, and continue to trust themselves, as I try not to undermine that. And we will continue to love one another. That is, when we aren't wanting to hurl Nerf darts at one another. Although, now that I think about it...that could work. We'll just call it P.E. Kids need P.E. don't they? What did I do with that blasted Nerf gun?

T, who learns so much from homeschooling her children

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An apple a day means I drive all the way out to nowhere: Riley's Farm

Recently, I braved the freeways, with my G1 GPS (which, if you don't know, is trying to kill me) and my kids and I went with our homeschool group to Riley's Farm, for an amazing field trip. For those who don't know, Riley's Farm is located in Oak Glen, out by Yucaipa. It takes a little over an hour to get there from North Orange County. The roads are a bit windy, so make sure that you are nice and awake and your windshield is clean!

Once there, it is like stepping back in time. JBear was able to help press the apples and make apple cider. Apparently, the colonists also made hard cider, but of course, we didn't get any of that! The apples they used were a bit too soft, so they didn't let us drink it, since it wasn't pasteurized. As if I would, anyway. That little bit of history is a just a bit too authentic…no dysentery for us! Hard cider helped the colonists as it fermented and created good bacteria. It allowed them to eat all kinds of nastiness that would make us really ill. (you probably don't want to dwell on that).

The kids made candles, dipping the candle in the wax. In colonial times, each candle had to be dipped by hand, over and over, a very time-consuming process. The colonists boiled bayberries to get their wax. Bayberries had a low-smoke level, so they were ideal for candles. We, of course, just buy Yankee candles, and call it a day.

The kids played colonial games, hoop and stick, graces, played with a small hoop and two sticks (see a pattern here?) , and horseshoes. JBear was probably pining for his DS, but he never said a thing.

There was colonial music, as our guide treated us to some beautiful pennywhistle(also known as a "flipple flute"..no I didn't make that up!) renditions of "Star of the County Down." Since I love The Chieftains, and James Galway, I was only too happy to listen. Yeah, so I am old. Sue me. The kids got caramel apples, and we settled down under the shade of a large tree. The family dog was roaming around, and it was just a really nice place to be.

After our rest, the kids were able to practice writing with a quill. They agreed it would have been nice to be schooled in colonial times. Spelling didn't matter at all, what matter was how beautiful your penmanship was. Of course, that's where we part ways…writing with a quill is ridiculously hard! Once you get it down and your ink is somewhat even, you have to dip again. and, it blotches. Creating quills was a profession taking a skilled artisan. Quills usually came from geese or turkeys. Swan quills were used by the well-to-do. RSVP pens come from Office Depot. Right down the street. $3 for 2. I win.

Weaving was our next stop. Believe it or not, it was a man's job. The women carded the wool, and spun the thread, but the men wove it into cloth. Interesting fact: there weren't many spinning wheels, taxes were too high from Britain. Instead, they used a drop spindle. A simple loom isn't that hard to make. Have you ever heard the term "warp and weft?" It acutally comes from weaving. Warp is the yarn drawn side-to-side. Weft is the yarn drawn up and down. Weaving isn't that hard, and once you get to the end of the row, you go back and do the opposite of what you just did. Perfect for teenagers! And, if she made her own clothes, she would think twice before she just had to have that newest in-fashion shirt. I am so evil.

And of course we left just in time to hit traffic. I drove home, and we were starving. So I stopped to get us some lunch and afterwards, got lost trying to get back to the freeway. One thing about me, I am a smart cookie. But I am crummy with directions. Give me a choice, I will probably go the wrong way, which is a recipe for stress. My Google G1 GPS (which relies on Google Maps) was not helpful, and that made me anxious. I had missed one freeway, and was on another, because in Southern California, you can't get very far without using the freeway. But Google Maps? It didn't even recognize where I was to get me home. I had to call my JPS (JNerd Positioning System) so he could tell me how to find my way back to the place I belong. After sitting in traffic, I finally did pull into the driveway, and we were all pretty tired. We had a lot of fun. But I think we will stick close to home for a while!

T, who is very thankful for convenience

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My Top 20 reasons for homeschooling ( because there were way more than 10)

Since school just started for us I thought it would be fun to list some reasons why I homeschool.(contrary to popular thought, it wasn't just because I could stay home all day and drink martinis while not waiting in the public school carpool line). Necessity lead me to homeschooling, it's true. When you have a child with high-functioning autism, he can fall through the cracks. My son was not a good fit for the existing special education classes but couldn't function in mainstreaming, even with a full-time aide. So I decided to bring him home that first year. He was already behind in Math and Reading and was in the first grade. I figured I could do as well as the school did, and better if we were lucky. It worked so well the next year I brought my oldest daughter home to study. And at that point, I knew I would homeschool my littlest one as well.

So necessity began my homeschool career, but that's not what kept me going. "Why do you homeschool" I am asked. Here are some of my reasons.

1. You can sleep in if you stay up too late the night before. (just don't do it too often!)

2. Creative Teaching! If at first you don't get it, there's always another way.

3. Kids can run around when they need to

4. Don't have to ask permission to go to the bathroom

5. Nature Walks!

6. Long, meandering side trips into History

7. P.E. is playing outside (no calisthenics, which my daughter hates)

8. No Detention

9. Your teacher loves you, always

10.Field Trips pretty much whenever we want

11.Don't like the book? Find another one!

12. School in the middle of Mommy's bed (or under a tree outside, or on the couch)

13. Pajama Days!

14. Lunch is edible.

15. Chewing gum helps with concentration, and it's not against the rules!

16. Intelligent discussions!

17. Kids who WANT to study what they are studying.

18. No bullying

19. Little to no peer pressure

20. More time for the things that really count like art and music.

T, who figured why let schooling interfere with their education

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Look! I'm a Star! (ok, so only in my head..)

Hey everyone! Today I am appearing on Special Needs Kids Talk Radio, so come check it out! 10 a.m. PST and 1 p.m. EST (noon, CST). We are going to talk about autism, homeschooling and what it's like being the "odd one out" in my family. You can listen by clicking on the link, and then the little special needs square takes you to the show. If you register, you can also chat and ask questions for me to answer on air. Come and listen!

From the website:

We are talking to Tina Cruz today about homeschooling her 3 kids and being the only "normal" person in her household, which makes her the strange one. Tina has a great sense of humor, despite her trials and tribulations

This is the first time I have done this, so let me know you are listening. I am terrified bewildered nervous!

T, who hopes I don't stutter and say "uhm..." a lot

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Oh, You're One of THOSE?!

Over the years, I have witnessed an exodus of sorts when it comes to the education of friends' children. More and more parents of children with autism and Asperger's Syndrome are choosing to homeschool. We are the well-kept dirty little secret that your school district doesn't want you to know: often our children can be better served at home than in the school system.

I would have never said such six years ago. I was a died-in-the-wool PTA, room mom, get into the system and change it, agent. But one horrific year with my son's classroom (through no fault of the teacher) and I became a true believer. I figured I couldn't do a worse job than the school, and I might even be an improvement. Besides, my son hated school, to the point I was literally dragging him there. Something had to give.

And now? I homeschool all three of my children, and this is our 5th year. Two have been diagnosed with high functioning autism, they are 7 and 10 respectively. My oldest is going on 15, and though she has never been diagnosed, she has many of the deficits of Asperger's, and is also academically gifted. Her father is a computer engineer, and is most likely also on the Spectrum. (he was never tested, but off the record, our psychologist said so) So, you do the math...

In any case, bringing my children home has worked out wonderfully for us. Homeschooling has allowed me to tailor each program according to what works for each child. My 14 yr old, who went to school for 6 years benefits from a very academic program. She enjoys the structure and it works. My middle guy, at 10, is the one I walk the line with. He isn't unschooled, but his academic structure would, at first glance, seem more relaxed. It is still very scheduled, however. But we benefit from frequent breaks, sensory diet and multisensory approaches. I can choose activities that he enjoys, and we keep work periods short and focused. He can take a break for pogo stick or OT work, as needed. My littlest one, at 7, is the one that learns best through games and Mom Time. She needs one-on-one (as does my son) that she wouldn't get in a classroom. She often has to be taught a concept repeatedly before she gets it.

My middle guy is also dyslexic, which makes it interesting, and I am thinking my littlest may be, as well.

As for socialization...which is a joke anyway... but still. We have found with regular play dates, activities and park outings, my children do just fine. There is more time for preferred subjects (my 14 year old taught herself to both play the piano and knit, because she had more time than if she was traditionally schooled.) We have more time (and funds) for field trips and activities. While other kids are sitting in a classroom, mine are out learning in the world.

There is a park day we attend and have for years. The attendance is large, with many different ages and multiple abilities. There are several kids from all ages that are on the spectrum in varying degrees. It is a very welcoming group. Truly, it was the best decision we ever made for our family.

When my son ended 1st grade, he barely read, was behind in math, his writing was still reversals (though he is left handed, so that made it worse). I would literally dress him like a doll and drag him, kicking, to the public school. He would sit under the teacher's desk, or make games. His aide was useless, only serving to keep him from eloping from the classroom. His work was all sent home. I was already homeschooling, and my son was in the school system!

He is now in the 5th grade, and reads at grade level. His math is also at grade level, or just below. He is above in Science, History, Geography. His writing and penmanship has improved 10 fold. and most importantly, he loves to learn. I have found that learning is a broad term for what we do every day. Mythbusters is learning and exploring Science. Going to the Arboretum is a chance to discuss the environment and botany, as well as the food chain. In fact, every activity has inherent learning in it...you just have to find it.

The most important thing to remember about homeschooling? It isn't something you do. It's something you live. And there really is no wrong way to do it. You can, and your child can... and if it doesn't work, keep tweaking. Also, what your state standards may find important, you may find doesn't mesh with your family. That's ok. I have found that as we go, my kids pick up information I didn't formally teach. And the one thing I want to equip my children with? The ability to find information.

The freedom I have found, as well as the free time away from IEPs, discipline meetings and just general headache is now energy I can pour into helping my son love learning. Less time is spent arguing over what the schools think he needs and more time is given to what he actually needs. We have personalized his goals, and we make sure he reaches them. There is no fighting with autism experts who insist my son is meeting goals that are either too broad, too easy or just plain wrong. I am in control. And my children are the better for it.

That, to me, is success.

T, who hopes that clears that up

Technorati: autism, homeschool, Asperger's

Why Do They Call it Homeschooling When I am NEVER at Home?

click to embiggen

Friday Fun

Today is all about Homeschooling.

This showed up in my email this morning, and inspired me

A Homeschool Family

And this is NOT what it is... (NSFK, just a couple words here and there, but I had to include it anyway)

Q:How Does a Homeschool Mom change a light bulb?

First, mom checks three books on electricity out of the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life.
Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles.
Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five dollar bill.
On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five dollar bill.
Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed.
And there is light.

T, who says sometimes you laugh to keep from crying

Technorati: homeschool, home_educator, humor

The One Where I Convince You I Am Not Old

Have you heard the awful rumors? No? Good. Because hear me now, I am absolutely too young to have a high school student. Do you hear me? is this thing on?? Sigh. I cannot be old. I wear cool shoes! I listen to hip music. I wear semi-fashionable clothes. well I don't have a link, you'll have to take my word for it I have bitchen hair. I cannot be old, ok? I am a youth leader for the jr high (soon to be high schoolers) at church. They like me. I like loud music and cookies. I am not old. Repeat it with me.

Tonight was our promotion celebration for our homeschool. There are 41 families in our group. JBug was the only 8th grade graduate. There were two Seniors graduating from high school, though. Not even going to think about that. We all went on stage as a family and JBear along with JBean received their promotion certificates. Then JBug came on stage and was given her certificate of graduation. She is an excellent student, and studies Logic (second year), Latin (second year) Algebra, Ancient History, Greek literature (we are of the Classical bent, more or less) Life Science and Intermediate Band: she plays the clarinet. In her spare time, she is teaching herself the piano. She is very self-motivated and I rarely have to remind her to get on task. I was asked to say a few words, and this is what I said:

JBug, wow, we are in a completely different place in our lives this year, huh? In the last two years since you have been homeschooling, your father and I have watched you blossom from a tentative child to a self-confident young woman. While it doesn't seem to be your nature to jump into an activity with both feet (you will never be an early adopter), you are trying things more easily than you have in the past, and sticking with them. You are no longer stuck in the Perfection trap...you are realizing it is enough sometimes just to do something because you enjoy it. And even if you don't. I have watched you step up and do what needs to be done. You are an invaluable help around our house, and you are usually uncomplaining.

I have watched your relationship with the Lord grow as you discover who He is to you, personally. I have watched you step up in ministry as you find the areas where you are gifted. You have a reputation for service, whatever needs to be done. And for wisdom. We all learn from you.

I have watched you grow in your friendships. Our joke is that you didn't find your peer group until you started homeschooling...so much for no socialization with homeschoolers, right?

And most importantly, I have watched our relationship grow. You talk to me, and I talk to you. I love that aspect most of all. It has been my privilege to watch you grow, and I am absolutely thrilled that I get to share so closely in your journey to womanhood.

Congratulations, JBug. You are absolutely ready for high school.

*On Tuesday, I will honor my younger kids, I really am not ignoring them. But this is JBug's moment

T, who absolutely is not not not old (and is very proud of her daughter)

Technorati: homeschool, homeschooling, family

In Which We Find Out How I Keep Sane

13 ways Send Chocolate copes with autism and homeschooling in her family 1. weighted blankets. Both the kids have weighted blankets that they sleep with or otherwise use for relaxing or quelling anxiety. JBear's blanket is about 15 lbs. JBean's blanket is 7 lbs. The idea of the weight is that the pressure on the proprioceptive system serves as a calming factor. 2. swinging. Another way of calming, this time with the vestibular system. Swinging helps to balance the system by regulating the inner ear. 3. lunges, wall shoves and wheelbarrow rides. Large motor work also helps to give calm the system by giving pressure input. 4. sensory diet: bean bags, bubbles, feathers, modeling clay, squeezy ball... all serve to help regulate the system and keep balance. Also, .gum helps my son to concentrate and attend to his school work 5. Schedule. In this house, the schedule is often the king. We have a white board and three assignments at a time are written on it. As they are completed, they get a checkmark. We also have schedules on the fridge of what we are doing on a weekly basis. There is a schedule of the events that take place before school work starts, as well as a list of subjects to be completed each day...the weekly schedule. 6. frequent breaks. Setting the kids up for success is the best approach. Small periods of work, about twenty minutes, and then a break for large motor work 7.The Incredible 5 pt scale. I use this here for many things. For my daughter, I use it for her voice volume. 1 =silence 2-=whisper/library voice 3= conversational voice 4= playground/outside voice 5= the house is on fire voice when she is too loud, I remind her what level her voice is at, and what voice works better. It helps. For my son, we use it for his anger (we used to use it for volume, but have moved on) 1= pretty comfortable, body feeling good, no tension 2 =antsy, but more happy than not 3= tension starting, feeling stressed 4= starting to mouth off, feeling tense, jaw clenched, no violence 5= abusive names, possible hitting ..time for social separation! 8. Wilbarger Brushing techique: this is a protocol for helping a child get over sensory defensiveness. You use a soft plastic brush, similar to a surgical brush and brush all the parts of the child's body except for torso. about every hour. This creates brain connections in order to help the child get over the sensory difficulties, such as touch, that can cause problems. 9. trampoline. We have a mini tramp that I have my son jump on when he gets antsy. My daughter doesn't enjoy it, however. 10. Anger workbook. I am walking my son through cognitive behavior therapy in order that he might get a handle on his frustration. We just started, but I am a huge fan of cognitive behavior therapy, so I am optimistic. 11. baths. When the day is really, really bad, I fill up the tub, add some mag salts, and the kid gets to stew for a while. 12. social stories. Carol Gray wrote these stories as a blueprint for how to behave and to give a warning to upcoming events in a tangible way the child can understand. The child's name is added to the story and in a very matter-of-fact way with no value judgments, only facts. 13. lots of hugs for the kids, and Starbucks for me! T, who mostly has it down to a science

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Technorati: thursday thirteen, autism, homeschool

The One Where I Teach You Something

Not a lot is written about girls and autism, because it is just beginning to be understood. When Hans Asperger first classified it, he thought he had found a boys-only disease. It wasn't until years later that we are finding that more girls are affected than originally thought. The rate for those referred to for diagnostic tests is about ten boys to every one girl. But of those, the rate of diagnosis is one in four. That's one girl for every four boys diagnosed. This rate holds true for both classic and high-functioning autism/Asperger's Syndrome.

In the book edited by Tony Attwood, Asperger's and Girls mentions that one of the reasons that girls are less often referred for diagnosis could be that because girls are naturally more nurturing than boys, they take the "shy and awkward" girls under their wing. In this way, they teach them the social rules.

As a mother of both a boy and a girl with autism, I would agree that girls give more benefit of the doubt than boys do. Girls in elementary school can be kind and helpful to a girl who just doesn't get it. JBug, my oldest daughter had this experience with a friend. She is naturally slow to warm, reticent around new people or experiences. Her friend took her aside and taught her "Embarrassing Lessons," which was really just a way to teach her to laugh at herself and not be so self-concious. JBean has first grade friends that are very kind to her and accept her for who she is, at least at this age. In contrast, JBear has struggled with his peers, who find him "weird" and "obsessed." He often feels ostracized when it really was a matter of just being able to read cues in order to join a game.

JBug's friend also came alongside her and taught her some of what Brenda Smith Myles calls "the hidden curriculum," that is, all of the things that no one ever tells a child, that are considered polite, or kind. For instance, if JBear were to talk about Indiana Jones and as he was doing so, the person he was speaking with kept glancing at his watch and looking over my son's head , think that has happened before? that would be pretty clear to me that the person had somewhere to go and the conversation needed to come to a close. Someone with HFA/Asperger's would not get this reference. He would have missed the entire "non-verbal" conversation. According to a UCLA study, 93% of conversation is non-verbal. So you can see how difficult it can be to interact if you are effectively blind to the social cues!

In my experience, girls in elementary school are much more forgiving of social gaffes. By the time a girl reaches jr. high, it is expected that she will "know" the right things to do and say. If she does not, most girls will distance themselves from the girl who is less socially-savvy. Since girls bond with their "drama," any girl who doesn't play the game will almost certainly be, if not ostracized, just not befriended. I work as a church youth worker with jr high girls (now going into high school). For two years I have watched this happen. The interesting thing to me is that if a girl is more severely affected by Asperger's, they do give a little more leeway, but they still do not count that person as a friend. If a church group operates this way, I can only imagine that school must be even more difficult for a girl with Asperger's Syndrome.

I ran across this article today, about the perils of Asperger's as a female.

Dr Lorna Wing is a veteran psychiatrist who devoted her career to studying autism after her only child, Susie, was diagnosed with a severe form of the condition. She says girls on the autistic spectrum often appear "normal" at first meeting. "They appear to be more social than boys with autism, but then you notice that their sociability tends to be inappropriate," she says. "They might go on and on talking about the things they are interested in, and they fail to notice that you're not remotely interested. They have a poor ability to 'read' people, and that's something that's often very highly developed in females."from the Guardian

The article goes on to state that it can be difficult in the workplace for a woman with autism, because she doesn't pick up the social cues or display the empathy and understanding that many associate with females. She may face problems because of judgment.

This means that women with autism often struggle at work because they lack what is often taken for granted in women - the intuitive ability to understand where people are coming from and how to manage situations. Because of subtle sex differences, we tend to "expect" more of women in the workplace in terms of smoothing things over, of saying the right thing; and whereas we would excuse a man who lacked these abilities, we are subliminally a lot less forgiving of a woman who has similar shortcomings. from the Guardian

With all of this gloom and doom, sure I am concerned for my girls' futures. JBug has never been diagnosed with Asperger's, but has many traits that come with it, including brilliance, which will serve her well. She is already smarter than I am...shhh! Don't tell her! I believe JBug will be fine, eventually. She will find her niche and her "people"...once the drama from high school stage is finished. She doesn't have time for the gossip or the "immaturity" of her peers. Sometimes she is too serious for her own good. She will land in a scientific community, where Logic is king and Rationality rules all.

My youngest daughter is an enigma to me. JBean has been diagnosed with Autistic Disorder, but is pretty high-functioning. I don't quite know what will happen with JBean. She is content to sit and play with her toys, making voices for all of the Ponies, Pet Shops and Puppy in my Pockets. She makes up long and winding songs about the same. She will often play, undisturbed for hours, if I let her. But she also enjoys cuddling with those she loves, reading (or rather, learning to read) and playing/arguing with her brother and sister. All sounds normal, doesn't it? And yet... there is that certain "something" that makes the autism diagnosis.

She cuddles a little too much, too hard, and doesn't stop when first asked. Her voice is just a bit *too high-pitched, almost baby talk. When she wants your attention she goes from 0 decibels to 999,999 in a split second. We say she has two settings: normal, and car alarm. She is very private about her thoughts, and I don't know if that is because she isn't keyed into them, or she just keeps them to herself. She is very difficult to read, and I am good at reading people.

She is still so young. Who knows what time and training have in store for her? And maybe as we go, more research will be completed that explains more of the mystery behind autism and what exactly we can do about it. I am thankful for articles in mainstream publications that shed light on the issue of girls and autism, but they are few and far between. For now, I continue to work with her, read a lot and pray. I definitely pray.

T, who wonders what the future will hold, but is optimistic

Technorati: autism, girls, Asperger's

Guess I'll Have To Pack My Own Lunch

There has been a lot of fluffle about the Subway Contest that is excluding homeschoolers. I say,"What's the big deal?" It's their contest, they can decide who enters and who doesn't. Besides, judging from the typos and their proof-reading skills over on their site, they aren't exactly smart cookies, anyway. "bastket" is what part of speech in the English language?

The funny thing is, someone was just not thinking. Honestly, who was in charge of their public relations? Who thought it was a good idea to piss off 2,000,000 of their key consumers? Two million women and families with kids who are busy and eat quick food have effectively been told they don't count. And we would spend money there after this, why?

Supposedly, Subway is apologizing to homeschoolers, and claims they will have a contest just for them. But I can say I don't want to be singled-out. I want to be included, just like everyone else. Subway, in their actions, has effectively said that homeschoolers aren't schooling. Even though, in CA, we are recognized as our own private school at least we were until the asinine ruling came out that has since been remanded back to the lower court for review Once again, we are after-thoughts... treated like second-class citizens again.

Honestly, I don't care much.

I have never been a fan of Subway. But I can't get behind a boycott for something so minor. Will I choose not to eat there? Maybe, but it isn't much of a hardship. I also don't buy from Wal*Mart (because they are evil) but I don't think Wally much cares. He continues to decimate small business, import Chinese crap and bust unions.

If I boycott, I do it seriously. I do it because companies kill babies. I have been boycotting Nestle now for over ten years. So I don't buy L'Oreal (which I love) Breyer's, Friskies, or even Arrowhead water, even though I love it. The cause was enough for me to give up those things. I also won't buy gas at Exxon-Mobil for this reason and the fact that they didn't take responsibility for the mess they made. If I think you are evil, I won't buy from you. I vote with my dollars, and always will.

But as far as Subway being "evil"? Stupid, maybe, in need a new p.r. campaign, probably. Definitely they are short-sighted. But I just can't get my knickers in a twist over it. And they make horrible sandwiches. We much prefer Quizno's.

T, who eats better-tasting sandwiches made at home, anyway

Technorati: Subway, homeschool, boycott

I Never Claimed To Be a Supermodel

Message left on my voice mail:

"Hi, this is your friend (who shall remain nameless, because, well it's just the right thing to do) I was wondering if you want to get together tonight, either at your home or at the library so I can shoot your family..."

There are times...

*disclaimer, my friend was offering to shoot a family photo for our homeschool yearbook, because, you see, I don't have one. Trying to coordinate everyone and make sure they are all in correct states of mind is like trying to nail jell-o to a tree. There isn't much point.

I tried to have a family member shoot the picture, but we took seven pictures, and not one is usable. Maybe we just won't exist in the program.

We don't really want to be remembered like this:

T, who didn't take her Senior high school portrait, either, and my mother is still bitter about it