Homeschooling is not what you do, it's how you live

As the school year winds down, I am reminded of an exchange I had recently with a colleague. We were discussing our blogs and our families, and school came up. “Oh, that’s right, you homeschool. When do you finish?”

That question took me by surprise, not because it was asked, but because I wasn’t sure how to answer it. I mentioned something about summer, and how we had activities planned, and changed the subject. I don’t think she even noticed. The truth is, I never “finish.”

You know that awkward review time that teachers have for the first couple of months after summer break? Where they can’t really teach anything new for fear the kids don’t remember what they were taught the year before? I don’t have that. I learned long ago that my kids don’t retain much over the summer if we take a 2 or 3 month break. So? We don’t break.

We scale back, maybe. Do less than we would normally, but we keep on keeping on. And my kids progress. Don’t get me wrong, we do all the fun things over the summer that you do. We go to the park. We go to the beach. We swim. We just do our school first. And sometimes, we even do it at those places. It keeps my kids in a routine, and when it comes to autism, routines are good.

If I gave my son a months’ long break? I would never get him back into schoolwork again. He is all about what he always does and a week of the same thing means it's a habit. He needs that structure. If I allowed my little one to take a break that long? We would lose much of the ground gained in her reading and math. She continues to see her speech and reading tutor throughout the summer. She also does vision therapy.

I suppose my oldest would be fine; but I have never had to push her academically. She pushes herself hard enough for the both of us. But she putters around and will finish her Psychology and get a jumpstart on her math for next year. I also expect she will pre-read some of the books for her government class next year to make it a bit easier.

How does year-round school work, you ask? Don’t the kids get burnt out? Not really. For once, we don’t worry about taking a break here and there. I take a break for almost a month around the holidays. (we always keep our foot in something, to keep up routine) and if we want to take off on an impromptu visit to the grandparents in another state for a week, we can. If we travel, we can throw in some area history, or a museum visit.

Here’s the thing: homeschooling isn’t just schooling at home. It’s a way of life. It’s a way of looking at life, to see what you can learn. Every experience can teach us something. My daughter learned to count at the grocery store. My son learned about life science through gardening. Is it more work to live this way? I don’t think so. I am actually one of the least-motivated people you will meet, to be honest.

I attend homeschool conventions and think, “When would I have time to do that? Formal planning doesn’t work really well here. At the beginning of the year, I do a master lesson plan for each child. We rarely finish it on the schedule I set. That’s not the point. The plan is the point. And we eventually do get done with those books, and those lessons and that plan. We just move on to the next plan. I am a learner. I am happiest when I am learning. I want my children to discover that joy of “Aha! I didn’t know that!” Showing them that learning is a way of life is how I do it.

The fear that I am facing

Let's just get this over with. I have been agonizing over it, panicking and just generally freaking the hell out to even admit this, but here I go. She can't read. There, I said it. Call Social Services now. She is 9 years old, on the autism spectrum, home schooled and she can't read.

Ok, she can read a little bit. Like C-V-C words. Three letters, four. Not difficult combinations. So what the heck do I do all day, right? Since my kid can't read? And I am responsible? And I sit on the Internet all day? Whoah. Let's back the truck up, Jack. I have been homeschooling my children for 6 years now, and I am good at it. My eldest daughter is amazing, and gifted. My son has great spatial relations and comes up with some of the most interesting questions. And then? There is my youngest daughter.

If you have been reading very long, you know she is a complex enigma. She is smart. There is no getting around that. When she sits to do school work, I have to pry her away from it. She works really hard. She also has amazing imaginary skills. I would say she often lives in her imaginary world. Most of the time it works. We don't forbid her from doing what she likes, like playing with Playmobil and small figures.

But, she can't read. I used to think it was me...I was doing something wrong. I teach her the same way I taught my son. And teaching him was a challenge, because not only is he on the autism spectrum, he is also dyslexic. I had to learn a completely different way to teach. But it has paid off, for the most part. I was doing computer programs with my youngest, sitting together to read, doing a multi-sensory tile-based phonics program, and she still was not progressing. And that's when she told me.

"Mama, when I read, the words and letters move all over the page." Aha! I had long suspected dyslexia, now I had some idea that was part of the problem. I took her to her speech teacher (What? you didn't know she took speech?) and told her the problem. I told her I was thinking of eye therapy, and that we were headed in for an evaluation. She agreed that was a good idea.

The eye evaluation simply confirmed what I already knew. Her eyes have a difficult time tracking together, and her depth perception is off. Luckily, this can be corrected. It isn't that she cannot read because she can't...she can't read because her eyes aren't working together.

She sees her eye therapist every week. She sees her speech teacher every week. And with luck, and a A LOT of hard work (we have 20 minutes of eye exercises every day) her eyes will improve. When that happens, she will be able to read. I hope. Of course, there is a nagging fear that she will never know what it is like to pick up a book with ease and while away the afternoon. That maybe, though we are all good readers in this house, she will continually struggle and never really take off. That fear makes me want to curl into a fetal position and never move. But you know that's just not the way I roll. I will make this latest hurdle my bitch, the way I always do. And you'd best believe that I (along with her speech/reading teacher) will make sure she catches up. You will be one of the first to know when that happens.

posted from my iPad

Somewhere Over The Rainbow Lies an Autism Diagnosis ( I Don't Think We're In Kansas Anymore!)

This is Part 1.. the post was too long, so I split it... Will post the rest tomorrow evening...

It was 2 a.m and everyone was sleeping. I was staring at the letter, willing it to disappear. I wished like hell that I could go back in time, to yesterday. Yesterday, when I didn't know what I now knew. I wanted to go back before the appointment. before my husband and I walked into that building with the obnoxiously bright blue carpet and rainbow- muraled walls and had our world shattered, yet again.

Eight hours before, we had entered the glass building approaching the double doors of the suite, checked in with the cheery young receptionist and taken a seat in the waiting room until our name was called. I looked at my tow-headed five year old as she played with the office blocks. Surely, there was nothing wrong with her, right? I had initiated this; I had to be sure.

I took a deep breath and shifted uncomfortably in the hard chair. I imagined I could hear the ticking from the clock on the wall. It was hard to wait. My husband squeezed my hand encouragingly. Was he as scared about this appointment as I was?.

When our name was called, we followed another cheery young assistant in techicolor-scrubs to a small room, filled with toys. An older woman entered and introduced herself as the doctor. I cannot remember what she looked like...at this point it doesn't matter. She asked us a lot of questions: did JBean play well with others? Did she have friends? Did she line things up? When did she walk? Talk? Eat? Did she sleep well? The questions continued, peppering me with the accusations that went unspoken. Could she read? Write? Count? Could she skip? What about throwing a ball? Why didn't you get intervention sooner? ...because we didn't know. Not really. Besides, doesn't autism only strike once per family? That's fair, right?

More tomorrow...

Here is part 2 in case you googled and only found this post, it continues the story

T, who found this a very hard post to write, but if it helps just one person, it was worth it

I Have It...I Admit It

I haven't been writing much, we are so close to the election that I have been thinking of that, instead. I am watching CNN, MSNBC, Daily Show and trying to keep up with the news. It's crazy. We are poised on the cusp of real change, and I so hope it happens.

I remember in 2000, when Al Gore won the popular vote...and lost the Presidency. It broke my heart. I am one of those conspiracy theorists who believes the election was stolen that day. Then, in 2004, when Kerry lost, the same thing happened. And I was done with politics. Around 2005, I stopped watching the news regularly. The knot that I sat in my gut afterwards was just too painful. I wasn't sleeping at night, I was having panic attacks, it was just too much. I would hear the evil (and make no mistake, what was done to this country has been evil) done by the Bush Regime and I would just cry. So I had to opt out, for my own peace of mind.

And then this upstart came in. He was young, comparatively. He had young daughters, which translated to me, means that he has a horse in this race. He was an idealist. He had ideas that made sense. He was personable, organized and trustworthy. And I fell. Now, I am participating again. I feel the stirrings and I am seriously feeling like something might be Right again. It has been a long, dark 8 years. And we are coming out of the tunnel. Now we just have to be sure that the sunlight doesn't blind us. We must hold our elected officials to what we elected them to do. And we have to stay informed, not just believe what they say.

Remember, they work for us. And we need to care, to vote and to demand change.

T, who says Change begins with US

It Wasn't Theirs To Steal, Anyway

Finally, a song I can get behind! I love that it's a country song. How deliciously ironic. remember the debacle with the Dixie Chicks and how country music fans tried to censor them? The song is called I'm Takin' My Country Back.

NINE DAYS.

9.DAYS

Then the siege will be over. We will have a new President. And while I DO NOT want McCain, if by some unfathomable act he is elected, he cannot be worse than Bush.

Change is comin'. There's a fresh wind on the horizon. Do you feel the stirrings?

>How about you? Are you starting to breathe again, too?

T, who actually might be able to breathe again

Let Freedom Ring (Will Anyone Be Left To Answer?)

(The figure of 349 billion in the above video is now at 3 TRILLION dollars. Yes, you read that right. I don't even know how many zeros are in that, do you?)

I love this country. It is not unamerican to believe we are headed in the wrong direction. Today, I prayed and participated in a parade with my children. I believe in change, for the better. And it starts with us. We have to want it. We have to want the government to do what is right and just. We have to want them to care for the interests of more than just the Almighty Dollar. We have to pull the power out of the hands of the few, those who would sacrifice us to the special interest groups. We have to fight those who would destroy our air, water and our very lives in order to grow richer!

We have to be informed. We have to vote and we have to think. We need to think about what we are doing to our childrens' future. What is the legacy we are leaving them? What values are we instilling in them if we stand by and let our resources be squaundered by those who have made it clear they have an agenda and don't care about anything else? I weep for our future if those in power continue to "stay the course."

Today is a holiday. The Fourth of July. Some privileged white guys threw a tantrum, and now we have freedom. Don't get me wrong, I am sincerely grateful that they did what they did, I value my freedom greatly. Which is why I wanted to post these quotes today..just a little reminder:

When the government fears the people there is liberty; when the people fear the government there is tyranny. --Thomas Jefferson

"What country can preserve its liberties if its rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance?" --Thomas Jefferson

"Whoever would overthrow the liberty of a nation must begin by subduing the freeness of speech" -- Benjamin Franklin

"Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." --Benjamin Franklin

"But a Constitution of Government once changed from Freedom, can never be restored. Liberty, once lost, is lost forever." --John Adams

"Fear is the foundation of most governments; but it is so sordid and brutal a passion, and renders men in whose breasts it predominates so stupid and miserable, that Americans will not be likely to approve of any political institution which is founded on it." --John Adams

"[H]owever weak our country may be, I hope we shall never sacrifice our liberties." --Alexander Hamilton

"An elective despotism was not the government we fought for; but one in which the powers of government should be so divided and balanced among the several bodies of magistracy as that no one could transcend their legal limits without being effectually checked and restrained by the others." --James Madison

"Where an excess of power prevails, property of no sort is duly respected. No man is safe in his opinions, his person, his faculties, or his possessions." --James Madison

"Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism." --George Washington

"Guard with jealous attention the public liberty. Suspect every one who approaches that jewel. Unfortunately, nothing will preserve it but downright force. Whenever you give up that force, you are ruined.... O sir, we should have fine times, indeed, if to punish tyrants, it were only sufficient to assemble the people!" --Patrick Henry

And finally, I leave you with my favorite quote, by a famous cultural anthropologist:

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed it's the only thing that ever has" --Margaret Mead

*I wrote this two years ago, and it is even more true now than it was then. Gas prices, dangerous toys, global warming, loss of freedom...when do we stand up and DO SOMETHING?

T, who wants her inalienable rights back

Technorati: politics, patriotism, vote

John Lasseter is a Frickin' GENIUS

We just came home from seeing Wall-E. And I have one word: Wow-EE. Seriously, this is a MUST-SEE movie. It is a movie for your children. It is not a childrens' movie. The message of the movie, which is ultimately one of hope, isn't for us as parents, or grandparents. It is for the next generation. The message has already fallen on deaf ears. It is too late for us. We've squandered our resources, too set in our ways. But it is not too late to reach our children. And they? Will heed the warning.

At the risk of giving too much away Which I won't do, because I hate when I read a review that tells me the whole story...

all I will tell you is that Wall-E is a masterpiece. A magical tour-de-force that sings of promise for a new day. I know, I am waxing poetic and sounding schmaltzy. But? It's that good. Truly. With this movie, John Lasseter has catapulted Pixar to dizzying new heights. Directed by Andrew Stanton (Finding Nemo) this movies makes no missteps. The pacing is great, I never once looked at my watch or thought about going to the bathroom. I was mesmerized all the way through. This is the movie your grandchildren will watch. A Snow White for the 21st Century.

I thought it was a coup to make us care about rodents. But no, that was nothing. Now? Now we cry over hunks of metal. and cockroaches?? Inanimate objects, with no life in them at all. Well, not life as we define it... Pixar's strength has always been in its story. John Lasseter calls it "The Rules"

From Variety:

"To make these films work, you have to do three things," Lasseter asserts: "Tell a compelling story with humor and heart that keeps people wondering what will happen next. "Secondly, populate it with memorable characters. If audiences invest in your main character, they'll travel that character's journey. Even the bad guys have to be likable, because you're asking audiences to spend the equivalent of a nice long lunch with them. "Finally, put the story and characters into a believable world."

Pixar nailed it. I cried. I am not ashamed to admit it, dear readers. And not the "oh isn't it sweet" soft cry, either. I cried the Ugly Cry. The one that comes when you are profoundly moved. I couldn't speak. And finally? I simply said, "Wow."

GO see it. Right now. Sleep your computer and head to the movies. Then come back and tell me what you thought. I'm giving it 5 out of 5 stars. And I am not easy to please. Oh, and my kids loved it, too!

T, who wants to see it again

Technorati: WALL-E, Pixar, movies, reviews

The One Where I Teach You Something

Not a lot is written about girls and autism, because it is just beginning to be understood. When Hans Asperger first classified it, he thought he had found a boys-only disease. It wasn't until years later that we are finding that more girls are affected than originally thought. The rate for those referred to for diagnostic tests is about ten boys to every one girl. But of those, the rate of diagnosis is one in four. That's one girl for every four boys diagnosed. This rate holds true for both classic and high-functioning autism/Asperger's Syndrome.

In the book edited by Tony Attwood, Asperger's and Girls mentions that one of the reasons that girls are less often referred for diagnosis could be that because girls are naturally more nurturing than boys, they take the "shy and awkward" girls under their wing. In this way, they teach them the social rules.

As a mother of both a boy and a girl with autism, I would agree that girls give more benefit of the doubt than boys do. Girls in elementary school can be kind and helpful to a girl who just doesn't get it. JBug, my oldest daughter had this experience with a friend. She is naturally slow to warm, reticent around new people or experiences. Her friend took her aside and taught her "Embarrassing Lessons," which was really just a way to teach her to laugh at herself and not be so self-concious. JBean has first grade friends that are very kind to her and accept her for who she is, at least at this age. In contrast, JBear has struggled with his peers, who find him "weird" and "obsessed." He often feels ostracized when it really was a matter of just being able to read cues in order to join a game.

JBug's friend also came alongside her and taught her some of what Brenda Smith Myles calls "the hidden curriculum," that is, all of the things that no one ever tells a child, that are considered polite, or kind. For instance, if JBear were to talk about Indiana Jones and as he was doing so, the person he was speaking with kept glancing at his watch and looking over my son's head , think that has happened before? that would be pretty clear to me that the person had somewhere to go and the conversation needed to come to a close. Someone with HFA/Asperger's would not get this reference. He would have missed the entire "non-verbal" conversation. According to a UCLA study, 93% of conversation is non-verbal. So you can see how difficult it can be to interact if you are effectively blind to the social cues!

In my experience, girls in elementary school are much more forgiving of social gaffes. By the time a girl reaches jr. high, it is expected that she will "know" the right things to do and say. If she does not, most girls will distance themselves from the girl who is less socially-savvy. Since girls bond with their "drama," any girl who doesn't play the game will almost certainly be, if not ostracized, just not befriended. I work as a church youth worker with jr high girls (now going into high school). For two years I have watched this happen. The interesting thing to me is that if a girl is more severely affected by Asperger's, they do give a little more leeway, but they still do not count that person as a friend. If a church group operates this way, I can only imagine that school must be even more difficult for a girl with Asperger's Syndrome.

I ran across this article today, about the perils of Asperger's as a female.

Dr Lorna Wing is a veteran psychiatrist who devoted her career to studying autism after her only child, Susie, was diagnosed with a severe form of the condition. She says girls on the autistic spectrum often appear "normal" at first meeting. "They appear to be more social than boys with autism, but then you notice that their sociability tends to be inappropriate," she says. "They might go on and on talking about the things they are interested in, and they fail to notice that you're not remotely interested. They have a poor ability to 'read' people, and that's something that's often very highly developed in females."from the Guardian

The article goes on to state that it can be difficult in the workplace for a woman with autism, because she doesn't pick up the social cues or display the empathy and understanding that many associate with females. She may face problems because of judgment.

This means that women with autism often struggle at work because they lack what is often taken for granted in women - the intuitive ability to understand where people are coming from and how to manage situations. Because of subtle sex differences, we tend to "expect" more of women in the workplace in terms of smoothing things over, of saying the right thing; and whereas we would excuse a man who lacked these abilities, we are subliminally a lot less forgiving of a woman who has similar shortcomings. from the Guardian

With all of this gloom and doom, sure I am concerned for my girls' futures. JBug has never been diagnosed with Asperger's, but has many traits that come with it, including brilliance, which will serve her well. She is already smarter than I am...shhh! Don't tell her! I believe JBug will be fine, eventually. She will find her niche and her "people"...once the drama from high school stage is finished. She doesn't have time for the gossip or the "immaturity" of her peers. Sometimes she is too serious for her own good. She will land in a scientific community, where Logic is king and Rationality rules all.

My youngest daughter is an enigma to me. JBean has been diagnosed with Autistic Disorder, but is pretty high-functioning. I don't quite know what will happen with JBean. She is content to sit and play with her toys, making voices for all of the Ponies, Pet Shops and Puppy in my Pockets. She makes up long and winding songs about the same. She will often play, undisturbed for hours, if I let her. But she also enjoys cuddling with those she loves, reading (or rather, learning to read) and playing/arguing with her brother and sister. All sounds normal, doesn't it? And yet... there is that certain "something" that makes the autism diagnosis.

She cuddles a little too much, too hard, and doesn't stop when first asked. Her voice is just a bit *too high-pitched, almost baby talk. When she wants your attention she goes from 0 decibels to 999,999 in a split second. We say she has two settings: normal, and car alarm. She is very private about her thoughts, and I don't know if that is because she isn't keyed into them, or she just keeps them to herself. She is very difficult to read, and I am good at reading people.

She is still so young. Who knows what time and training have in store for her? And maybe as we go, more research will be completed that explains more of the mystery behind autism and what exactly we can do about it. I am thankful for articles in mainstream publications that shed light on the issue of girls and autism, but they are few and far between. For now, I continue to work with her, read a lot and pray. I definitely pray.

T, who wonders what the future will hold, but is optimistic

Technorati: autism, girls, Asperger's