They're Going To Take Away My Cool Mom Club Card

The kids when they were younger. JBear is around 6 here, all about Indy

I hate Indiana Jones.

This is a confession I cannot make to my son, who is obsessed with All Things Indy. Since the age of four, (he's nine now) when he donned the infamous Indy fedora bought on a summer trip to Disneyland (it has the Indiana Jones logo inside, and he wore that thing for two straight years) We actually went through three hats because he wore them OUT. Indiana Jones has been a strong interest that my son comes back to again and again.

One of the hallmarks of high-functioning autism or Asperger's is perseveration. Really, it's a 50¢ word for "all the subject, all the time." Even when the last thing you want to hear about is said subject- for the love of God and all things Holy! ...It still continues.

As I said, this particular obsession has been alive since my son found out about it in Kindergarten and honestly? a lifetime of red Kool-aid and twinkies for the child that let that cat out of the bag. And yes, his mother, too. Especially his mother...

In our house, we have Indy action figures, Indy computer games, Indy Wii. We have Indy Legos, an Indy Whip, hell we even have Indy cereal. We have numerous thrift-store-find Indy outfits. It's so bad that my son commandered my tan messenger bag because he thinks it makes him look more like the satchel-carrying Indy. That's right. My nine year old carries a murse. I'm so proud.

Ask a psychologist and he will say that perseveration serves a purpose. It holds the child's anxiety often, and gives him a go-to subject ripe for conversation. Ask me, and I'll tell you that it's damned annoying.

Don't get me wrong. When my then-four year old came home and made it All About Indy I was thrilled. How cute, a four year old who has a role model! I admit, I indulged his play. A lot. I bought him tan pants, and shirts that looked perfect for his adventures. We bought him the aforementioned fedora. He watched Raiders of the Lost Ark and later, The Last Crusade. (he didn't see Temple of Doom, it's a bit rough around the edges for kids) We bought him the G.I. Joe Indiana Jones figure.

My adventurer, out and about

When people admired his appearance, I loved it. And when he was chosen to be featured at the Sword in the Stone show at Disneyland because he looked like such a cool kid? (and of course, cool kids have hip moms) I preened. I even overlooked the fact that he had to wear tan pants, everyday, even all through the 90 degree Southern California summer. "Creative Expression," don't you know?

My son vacillates between various interests. They are almost always mass-market media-inspired. The characters he has glommed onto have been a changing array: Robin Hood, Captain Jack Sparrow (I put a stop to that when he "stole" my wallet out of my purse and then told me about it... when asked why? "What do you expect, I'm a pirate!") Frodo Baggins, Peter from Narnia , Link from the Nintendo game, Legend of Zelda....and of course, the one that started it all: Indiana Jones. Each of these phases requires various accoutrements such as outfits, accessories and of course, toys from the lines of Commercial Cash Cow and Put China On Top By Importing Cheap Poisonous Plastic Crap. It keeps us on our toes.

I thought we had put the Indy love to bed, because we hadn't seen much of the fedora or the toys in quite a while. And then, the newest movie was announced. My son picked up his Indy Interest with a vengeance. He talked constantly about the movie.

What did I think it would be like?(I don't know)
Would Indy be old? (yes)
Would he still have his whip? (probably)
Would there be scary parts like in Raiders? (some intense scenes, I imagine)
Will you buy me the Lego Indy stuff (save your allowance)
Will I get to see the movie soon (when it comes out son)
What will it be like? (ARGH..the sound of me choking on my tongue as my brain explodes)

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

He saw the movie opening night. He very much liked it. Shortly after that, we bought the Indiana Jones Lego Wii game. It is very entertaining, even if you are just watching it, highly recommend it, as an aside. The obsession came to a full rolling boil. He played the game. He talked about the game. He played the game. He talked about the movie. And the game. GAH! I was never so happy as when he finished the last level of that game.

Things seem to be settling down, now. He is still crazy about Indy, and he will corner anyone to tell them so. But there are signs that Indy may have run it's course this cycle and there is an inkling that change is on the horizon. My son created a level in his Nintendo game after this particular interest. What's that? The newest interest? The one that with just a small nudge from me if I'm not careful, will become a monster on a feeding frenzy? Star Trek. Yes, you heard me right. my son is becoming a geek. I suppose it isn't surprising given his genetics.

But...but...Star Trek??

God help us all.

How about you? What you are sick of?

T, who figures she will be assimilated

Technorati: Indiana_Jones, Indy, kids, obsession hobby boys

How To Talk To Someone With Autism Without Pulling Out Your Hair (Or Theirs!)

Coming Soon To a Plane (or Theatre) Near You

The biggest hurdle that we face with my son's autism is that he looks so normal. There is an expectation for his behavior that sometimes he just flat cannot meet. But you can't see what is wrong with him at first glance. He isn't in a wheel chair. He hasn't lost his sight. Most of the time, he hears what you say. But he has a disability. I hate calling it that, but that is what it is. Yes, he has autism. That's not the disability, though. His disability, you ask? Peoples' attitudes. Judgmental women at the grocery store, and anyone who thinks he "should" know how to behave and that he is just the product of over-indulgent parents.

He deals with the attitudes of other children. Kids can be, if not cruel, just not understanding. They think he is weird. He talks funny, with more of a drone than other kids. Sometimes, especially when he is excited, he doesn't enunciate well. His topics go on and on. Frankly, many of his peers don't know what to do with him. It's hard. But you know what? He exists. He has a right to live a full life. I am not going to keep him at home because he might be a little strange in his talk about movie characters. He needs to learn how to interact with others, and some need to learn to be more tolerant. They can help each other.

The hardest thing for me to watch as a mother is to watch my son struggling socially to fit in. He tries so hard, is very gregarious, wants to engage people and interact. He just... isn't very good at it. Autism isn't a very good friend. Granted, I would imagine I am more tuned into his social gaffes than others may be. In fact, others seem to enjoy him. I am concerned when he is around other adults that he will talk their ear off and then get his feelings hurt. It worries me. I really try not to be, but I verge on being hyper-vigilant when he is talking to others, especially adults. (his favorite people to interact with). They talk about how sweet he is, and kind. And yes, he is all of those things. But he's also annoying as hell.

I have talked with him about possible conversational approaches he could take. We have worked and role-played in order to figure out the give and take of conversations and how they can be approached. We discuss non-verbal cues that show you someone has grown weary of the interaction and is ready to move on. But he just doesn't get it. It absolutely isn't his fault, and I cannot blame him. It is the way he is wired. Lessons, especially social lessons, must be gone over in depth. We have to work out possible responses. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. He will talk to me, and we have a great talk about science, or the weather or whatever we are discussing. But as soon as he is around someone other than me or his father, it all goes out the window.

In his quest to enjoy someone else's company, to connect with them socially, he forgets everything we have discussed and goes to one of three subjects: Video games (namely the new Indy Wii game which he will describe for you, in detail all the way to the 7th level, if you let him.) What? You don't have quite that much time? Well, of course, my son won't figure that out...that's where I come in.

He also will discuss Lego, the rabbit from Monty Python (and no he has not seen the movie, just a few YouTube clips) and whatever he is into that month as well. Guaranteed to make your eyes glaze over and have you thinking to yourself, "Just look at the time!" But, give the kid a break, he really does try. And he wants to interact with you. He genuinely likes you and he is likable, too.

Here are a few suggestions to make it less painful for you both:

How to Interact With a Kid Who Has Autism

• 1. ask questions about things you are interested in. Get him to talk about what you want... lead the conversation. If he starts in on Indiana Jones, change the subject...make it something related. "Yes, Indy was a really cool movie, but what did you think of Wall-E?" "Really? What did you like about it?" If you steer the conversation, it will go more smoothly.
• 2. bring someone else into the conversation, and throw my son a bone...er, rather, a thread of conversation that he and the other person has in common. Once he is talking to the other person, escape! Yes, I am mostly kidding with this one! Besides, he would just catch you...

Tomorrow...Part 2

T, who hopes this helps you with autism

Technorati: autism, high_functioning_autism, Aspergers

I Guess I Can't Tie Him Up and Lock Him In the Closet Anymore

My son loves Indiana Jones, and has for years. In fact you could say it is an obsession. In autism-speak, it is called "perserveration"..meaning he hyper-focuses on a subject and doesn't let go. He has had a fedora like Indy's for years. He has a costume that he wears,and I smile indulgently. He is very excited that the new movie is being released. It has breathed new life into his Indy preoccupation. This sight is what I happened upon this morning. Apparently, he conned his big sister into tying his hands so that he could escape, via The Indiana Jones Handbook.

As you can see, he managed to escape. I don't think I could do this. Next time, I guess we'll hog tie him. Maybe a career in escape-magic will pay for college!

T, who swears I live in a sit-com sometimes

Technorati: family, Indiana Jones, Indy, fun stuff, autism, Crystal Skull