Monday, April 19, 2010

No witty title, just a simple and heartfelt goodbye Bob




Early this morning, Bob quietly went gentle into that good night. And we mourn and we rage along with califmom, Leah, and her kids. In a situation like this, I suppose it is human nature to make it about yourself. What if it had been my family? How would we survive? What would we do? But, tonight, I refrain from going there. Because Leah needs me. She needs us.

She needs us to mourn with her, and make her laugh, and remember to sling the sarcasm.definitely do not forget the sarcasm! At some point, Leah may appreciate that Bob ended this life on Velociraptor Awareness Day. It just seems...right. Bob was a nut. In any case, she needs us to acknowledge what has happened, and to cry with her and to carry on as though everything was the same. And as though everything were different. She needs us to post our ridiculous tweets and goofy pictures. She needs normalcy, or, as much as she can get.

Or at least, that is what I think she needs. To be honest, I have no earthly idea what she needs, I can only guess. Which makes me feel very helpless...not a place I am used to being!

Tonight, JNerd and I, for wont of doing something, raised our glasses and had a shot of Patron, the premium tequila that was Bob's favorite. We drink to a life well-lived, and well-loved. We honor Bob's life. And we drink to the missed opportunity of being able to drink that shot with Bob himself. Just before he got sick, I met Leah and Bob in San Diego. We had dinner, and since I was driving later that night, I conservatively refrained from doing shots with the two of them. Though I didn't leave for hours afterward, I stuck to coffee that night. We reasoned we would have a "raincheck." That raincheck never came. A month later, he was sick.

So, tonight, we raised our glasses to a wonderful guy. An amazing and supportive husband; a loving father. And though JNerd had never actually met Bob, it didn't matter. Imaginary unicorn internet friends are ALWAYS there for one another. But don't let the smiles fool you, I have been in tears for them all day.

You say you want to help? I am so glad. Because this is a family that has been fractured, and with the expenses coming, they will need your support. Bob was also the sole income, so there will be some adjustments and transitions made. (Though I am not sure what those will entail,I can only imagine). So, yes, they need our help. You can go here, and donate via Paypal. Don't feel awkward, just think if it had been your family. Also, for the record, this paypal account was NOT Leah's idea...it was borne at the request of those who wanted to help. Posting it on her blog made it readily accessible. They say it takes a village. Bullshit, it takes the Internet. And, when she is ready, we will be here.

T, who is mourning along with my friend

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4 sent chocolate:

Heather Babes said...

I lost my first husband to suicide. I have cancer now. (Have gone through chemo and radiation once already, still there).

This "story" touches me in ways I had no idea it would.

I can only donate my prayers at this time. However, if that should change, I gladly will donate money as well.

Tina, you may feel helpless but by being the person you are, sarcasm and all (yes, especially the sarcasm), you will do a tremendous amount to help her get through this time. I know, I had good friends to. Who awkwardly cried with me and said "I don't know what to doooooo!!!" and I blubbered back "But you're doing iiiittttt.." heh...

Tina@ SendChocolateNow said...

Heather: prayers are priceless! Thank you for the words of encouragement for me as well. I hope your story ends well, and that the cancer is eradicated. I appreciate your kindness, thanks for commenting.

Smiling, Beguiling said...

This was a great post Tina... thanks for sharing your thoughts about Bob and Leah, and for daring to toss back a shot (or three?) of Patron in his honor. Think I'll go do the same.

Tina@ SendChocolateNow said...

Smiling: thanks, I might just do another one tonight. I will most definitely do one (or three?) when I head to Livermore on Sunday.

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